Public Speaking Advice and Commentary

Is your non-verbal 'conversation' helping or hurting your career?

How are you showing up?  Is your non-verbal 'conversation' helping or hurting your career?  My partner and I worked with an executive of a major financial institution who had fought his way up from the streets to a top position. When we were brought in to work with him, he had been promoted to a board–level role, and that required that he act in a statesmanlike manner, and as a mentor to others.

He had no idea how to behave in this way. All of his experience had taught him that he had to fight to keep his position and that colleagues were competition. So when he went into a meeting with the board, he behaved the way he always had.

He was close to being fired.

Why?  We quickly discovered what it was that so turned off the board when we had him role-play his executive meetings. He would go into an ever-so-slight defensive crouch, tensing himself, lowering his brows in a suspicious stare that had successfully intimidated many rivals in his earlier days.

He was completely unaware of this closed behavior.  The 360-degree review he had received just after taking the new position had shocked him. He had no idea that people saw him as a nasty guy.

But now he realized that he had to learn a different way to relate to his colleagues. The board had no wish to spar continuously with a defensive, hostile executive; they wanted a colleague.

He had to change.

When we showed him the videotape of his role-play, the moment was transformational. He had had no idea that his body language was signaling defensiveness. His reaction was, “Oh, my god, I look like a punk!”  He knew that he couldn’t look like a punk and continue as a C–suite executive.

That ten-minute video review probably saved his career. 

It gave him the motivation to change, and he slowly but surely learned to open up and become more of a colleague. He adopted a new posture and began to sit up straighter. Gradually he was able to open up his hands and arms. All of this took time and conscious effort before the new behavior became as comfortable and automatic as the old.  But eventually he began to be perceived as the executive and colleague he wanted to be. 

How are you showing up?  Check your non-verbal communication before it undercuts your best conscious efforts to succeed. 

Penn and Teller and the Happy Feet problem

I have a secret fondness for magic acts – the professional ones.  Acts like Penn and Teller.  So I was thrilled a while back when I was in Vegas for a convention and had an evening to catch their act. 

Penn and Teller are two accomplished showmen:  Penn is the talkative one, and Teller is largely silent. Penn keeps up a running commentary designed to distract and bemuse the audience while they both perform the magic tricks.

I was astonished to see that, at this performance, the talkative one, Penn, had a bad case of “happy feet.”  He had so much energy that he was wandering all over the stage randomly while chattering away. The random movement of his feet was his method for discharging that adrenaline-induced energy we all experience in performance, whether magicians or actors or speakers.

The result was so distracting, though, that I found myself unable to attend to his patter or even the magic tricks with any reliability. Nonetheless, he managed to hold his audience reasonably well until an unpleasant trick that involved apparently putting a live rabbit through a wood chipper. He lost his audience then and never got it back, making it clear that the bond was weak throughout, partly because his motion was random and not purposeful, toward the audience and away from it.

How do you avoid the Penn problem?  Two ways.  First, get control over your motion, and make it purposeful – toward your audience and away from it when appropriate.  Those are the only motions the audience will be interested in.  Moving toward an audience builds trust.  Use it. 

Second, become conscious of your adrenaline and treat it as energy to be used rather than a problem.  Let it come out in your voice, in your gestures – in your charisma. 

‘Happy Feet’ detracts from the performance of many a public speaker.  Don’t let it be your problem.  

Can you 'thin-slice' listening? Malcolm Gladwell and the Kouroi myth

One of the most pernicious concepts widely circulated about listening is in the otherwise admirable book Blink. Malcolm Gladwell introduces the idea of what he calls ‘thin-slicing’ as a way of talking about how a very small sample can stand for a whole host of evidence under specific circumstances and conditions. Unfortunately, he equates the thin-slicing idea with the expert’s ability to instantly size up, for example, an ancient statue as real or fake because of a myriad clues unconsciously weighed, evaluated, and sorted.

Here is what Gladwell wrote:

In September of 1983, an art dealer by the name of Gianfranco Becchina approached the J. Paul Getty Museum in California. He had in his possession, he said, a marble statue dating from the sixth century b.c. It was what is known as a kouros — a sculpture of a nude male youth standing with his left leg forward and his arms at his side. There are only about two hundred kouroi in existence, and most have been recovered badly damaged . . . . But this one was almost perfectly preserved . . . . It was an extraordinary find. Becchina’s asking price was just under $10 million.  The Getty moved cautiously. It . . . began a thorough investigation. . . .A geologist from the University of California. . .spent two days examining the surface of the statue with a high-resolution stereomicroscope . . . . [He]concluded . . . the statue was old. It wasn’t some contemporary fake . . . .The kouros, however, had a problem. It didn’t look right. The first to point this out was an Italian art historian named Federico Zeri . . . . He found himself staring at the sculpture’s fingernails. In a way he couldn’t immediately articulate, they seemed wrong to him. Other experts weighed in, and the statue was finally judged a fake. The Getty was embarrassed, and the art world has a great story to tell.

What does this have to do with listening? The idea has lodged in the public mind that somehow we can all be expert thin-slicers based on a quick look, a brief listen, a glancing moment of attention. But Gladwell has confused our ability to make snap (because unconscious) nonverbal judgments about the intent of people and the danger quotient of situations we’re thrown in with an expert’s ability, when her learning is profound, to size up something quickly. The result has been that too many people now say, “Just let me thin-slice this.”

The only thing we’re doing there is getting a quick read on our impression of the other person’s intent. We are pretty good at it, but we can certainly be wrong, and it is most emphatically not the same as expertise in a field like art history.  They’re two completely different activities.

The former is almost entirely unconscious and instant, whereas the latter is primarily conscious but drawing on an unconscious sifting of the physical evidence brought to the conscious mind.  And it often is a slow process, where something niggles at the back of the mind for days before the expert is able to become fully aware of what is going on. That is what in fact happens to several of the experts in Gladwell’s fake masterpiece story.  They take weeks to figure out why the statue doesn’t seem real to them or to piece together their analysis, impressions, and unconscious deciphering.

My point is this: we can’t listen to other people by thin-slicing them. Listening takes time. When it is done right, it is primarily an emotional activity and only secondarily intellectual.

Emotions take time to express, be heard, be validated, and so on.  To listen well and deeply to another person, you must quiet your own two conversations, and let your verbal and your nonverbal channels attend to what’s being said to you. Listen with your whole body.

Making a film? Appearing on camera? Check out these tips

For my blog today, I'm linking to an interview I did this week with Thomas Clifford, filmmaker and Fast Company expert blogger on how to use the principles I talk about in creating and appearing in film and video:  http://tinyurl.com/mehdhr

Enjoy!

20 body language myths debunked

Thanks to Suzanne Smith, who sent a very interesting list of 20 “defensive” and “positive and powerful” body language tips.  I can’t resist commenting on them, because they are such an admixture of good and bad advice.  The original posting is here:  http://tinyurl.com/nb4osk.  I’ll list each “tip” and then comment after in boldface. 

"Defensive Body Language Tips"

1. Invade someone’s personal space. This is a sign of dominance. 
•    Potentially dangerous advice.  Never invade unless you’re willing to back up your bluff with thorough follow-through.  In other words, be prepared to fight.  And why are you picking a fight, anyway? 
2. Unblinking eye contact can be intimidating. Essentially you are staring someone down until they look away.
•    Yes, too much eye contact can be intimidating.  It can also seem downright weird.  Why are you staring?  Again, if you’re going to pick a fight, you have to be prepared to duke it out.
3. Standing up straight and tall. In nature, animals make themselves appear larger to avoid conflict and establish dominance with predators or competition. The same technique works in the human world.
•    This is good advice – standing straight means that you are assertive without being aggressive or hostile. 
4. Speak first. Speaking first gives you the upper hand immediately.
•    Only if you have something to say.
5. Touch the person first. Extend your hand to shake hands, touch a person’s elbow, cover their hand while you shake hands. Being the first person to touch another opens up conversation while maintaining control.
•    This only has a minor effect on the flow of a conversation.  And too much familiarity too soon can be off-putting.
6. Turn your body at an angle to squeeze an uninvited guest out. The third wheel will get the idea.
•    This is junior-high-school stuff – effective, but obvious, cheap and potentially nasty -- and rude. 

"Positive and Powerful Body Language Tips"

7. Maintain a steady even tone. Appear calm, cool and collected by not raising your voice or speaking too quickly.
•    This works, just as your mother (or your psychologist) told you, to keep things calm.  I thought we were trying to take charge.  The aim appears to have changed. 
8. Speak heart to heart, or straight forward, to show interest in the conversation.
•    Yes, other things being equal.  Listening is a more powerful way to show interest. 
9. Steer your listener in the direction you wish to go while talking.
•    This will only have a minor effect on the flow of the conversation.
10. If you are sitting, keep your feet flat on the floor. Uncross your legs and sit straight up. You’ll appear more confident and interested.
•    Trivial
11. Gradually nod in agreement while you are listening to another person speak. Don’t jerk your head around with impatience.
•    Nodding builds agreement. 
12. Keep your arms open. Crossing your arms is a defensive motion. Keeping your limbs open and relaxed makes you seem comfortable with the situation.
•    True, but if you’re feeling defensive, you’ll signal it in many other ways besides this obvious giveaway. 
13. Don’t touch your face or cover your mouth with your hands. This movement can make you appear as if you are lying or trying to cover up something.
•    Depends on the context.  Not a reliable indicator of lying. 
14. Lean in slightly while another person is talking.
•    Generally, closing the distance between you and someone else indicates interest and builds trust. 
15. Use your hands confidently during a conversation.
•    Too vague to be useful. 
16. Don’t fidget while speaking. Fidgeting shows nervousness.
•    Fidgeting can also show impatience, or ADD behavior. 
17. Be aware of your facial expressions while you are talking and listening. Remember to smile when you greet and leave someone.
•    Smiling is always good, except when the situation demands a frown. 
18. Don’t reveal too much information. It can get awkward very quickly.
•    I have no idea what this means.  Are we talking about body language or something else?  The CIA or the PTA?
19. Don’t steal someone else’s thunder when they are telling a story. Allow them to finish and relate if you can.
•    That’s basic politeness. 
20. Relax your shoulders to avoid appearing uptight or nervous.
•    Again, in isolation this won’t help much if you’re nervous. 

As I explain in my book, Trust Me: Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma, this kind of blow-by-blow approach to body language misses the point.  Body language is behavior and has to be interpreted in a context of a situation, a person, and a content.  In terms of decoding someone else’s behavior, you can’t look at isolated bits of body language.  There are simply too many reasons for human behavior.  It’s a fool’s game. 

In controlling your own behavior, to appear more confident, or open, or in charge, again, it is a fool’s game to try to manage a specific bit of body language.  Instead, work on your intent.  Then your body language will take care of itself. 

Who's the most powerful person in the room?

Sociologists Stanford Gregory and Stephen Webster of Kent State University conducted some fascinating research into the question of leadership at a very simple level.  They studied interviews on the Larry King Live show and tapes of British politicians and former U.S. presidents. Why this particular grouping of people? Because the issue of power and deference is bound to come up when high-status individuals are involved.

What they studied were the low-frequency sounds (below 500 hertz) that we all utter as we speak. The existence of the sounds themselves was well known to researchers but had been dismissed as irrelevant. Gregory and Webster found that in conversations and meetings, people rapidly match each other’s low -frequency sounds. In short, to have a productive conversation or meeting, we need to literally be on the same wavelength!

It gets more interesting: the researchers found that lower-status people match the higher-status people in the room.  You might expect that everyone would meet in the middle, but that was not the case. When Larry King was interviewing someone of very high status, he matched the high-status individual’s tones. When the interviewee was low status, he or she would match Larry King. The quickest to match Larry was Dan Quayle, presumably someone who had good reason to be deferential.

What’s going on here? Sorting out who is the most powerful person in the room is a game that humans have used for time out of memory because relative status is important to us. This need to defer and assert probably goes back to more primitive times when our lives depended on it. Now it’s more likely to be important when picking up sides for a sports team, jockeying for power in a business meeting, negotiating, or perhaps picking a new pope.

The point is that there is an unconscious element to it that is literally beyond our ken. Which happens first? And what are the criteria? Gregory and Webster’s research suggests that the process happens quickly, in the first few minutes of the conversation. So it’s hardly the case that much conscious thought has gone into determining who should be top dog. Rather, we see that an important part of our relationships to others is determined, at least in part, unconsciously. We are not the rational beings we like to think we are.

Conscious awareness of this unconscious process will arm you to resist the powerful and enable you increase your own personal power. 

Announcing the winners of the 'Worst Conference' contest

Thanks to all who participated in the “Worst Conference Experience Ever” contest.  We have a winner – a standout – and that could only be the entry from Mike, regarding the speaker who read from the tax code for “several hours with minimal commentary.”  I’m sure everyone will join in and offer their sympathy to the poor CFO who attended that presentation. 

Mike, you win an hour’s free (telephone) coaching for help in preparing any speech or presentation you have coming up.  Let me know via nick@publicwords.com how you’d like to schedule. 

Second place goes to Chris, who attended a Chamber of Commerce meeting (already, he’s got my sympathies) to hear from a judge who set an alarm clock up to keep himself to 20 minutes – only to hit the snooze button repeatedly, going on and on until the room was virtually deserted.  I wonder if the judge’s pronouncements from the bench are as long-winded!

Chris, you win a copy of my latest book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma.  Please send your snail mail address to nick@publicwords.com to receive your prize.

Third place goes to Piet, whose heart-rending description of the conference where the speaker was a no-show, but delivered the speech via texting to his assistant in real time does deserve mention for the most surreal and stupid solution to a vexing problem. 

Piet, send me your snail mail address and you also get a copy of the latest book.

Again, thanks to everyone who participated, and congratulations to the winners.

What is the most important rule for success in public speaking?

I'm often asked what is the single most essential thing to remember in order to give a good speech.  My first instinct is to respond, "it's a complex process, an art form, and it involves lots of moving parts.  So there's no one single thing."  But if I'm pressed for one rule only, it would be this:  have fun. 

That's right -- have fun. 

Could it possibly be that simple? 

Audiences have provisionally given up their authority and bestowed it on the speaker.  They want the speaker to succeed.  Otherwise, they've wasted their time, and who can afford to do that these days?  The best thing the speaker can do is to signal to the audience that he or she is having a good time.  It will let the audience know that it is in good hands.  It can relax and enjoy the experience. 

That creates a virtuous circle -- happy audience, happy speaker -- and those good vibes go a long way toward creating a positive experience for all. 

Of course, the hard part about having fun is that most people are nervous when they speak, at least at the start.  So how do you relax and have fun when your heart is hammering away, your palms are clammy, and you're thinking to yourself, I will never, never agree to do this again?

Focus on the audience.  If you can stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about the audience, you've got a chance to begin to enjoy yourself.  Remember, a speech is not primarily about you, the speaker.  It's about whether or not the audience is moved to action. 

So relax, forget about you, and have fun.   

I'm often asked what is the single most essential thing to remember in order to give a good speech.  My first instinct is to respond, "it's a complex process, an art form, and it involves lots of moving parts.  So there's no one single thing."  But if I'm pressed for one rule only, it would be this:  have fun. 

That's right -- have fun. 

Could it possibly be that simple? 

Audiences have provisionally given up their authority and bestowed it on the speaker.  They want the speaker to succeed.  Otherwise, they've wasted their time, and who can afford to do that these days?  The best thing the speaker can do is to signal to the audience that he or she is having a good time.  It will let the audience know that it is in good hands.  It can relax and enjoy the experience. 

That creates a virtuous circle -- happy audience, happy speaker -- and those good vibes go a long way toward creating a positive experience for all. 

Of course, the hard part about having fun is that most people are nervous when they speak, at least at the start.  So how do you relax and have fun when your heart is hammering away, your palms are clammy, and you're thinking to yourself, I will never, never agree to do this again?

Focus on the audience.  If you can stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about the audience, you've got a chance to begin to enjoy yourself.  Remember, a speech is not primarily about you, the speaker.  It's about whether or not the audience is moved to action. 

So relax, forget about you, and have fun.   

What can you get an audience to do?

A speaker asks a lot of an audience.  Understanding, enthusiasm, support -- and inactivity.  Audiences are expected to be passive by most speakers most of the time.  That's after all what speakers are paid for -- to inform and entertain the audience.  Not the other way around.  And the higher the price, the more entertaining the speaker better be.  But that means that most speakers figure that they should be doing the majority of the work. 

That's unfortunate, because if a speaker does a good job, pouring out lots of energy into an appreciative crowd, the audience is soon ready to give that energy back.  And it wants to give that energy back in the form of -- action.

Happy audiences want to do something, to show their involvement, their appreciation, their connection to the speaker.  (Unhappy audiences want to do something else:  leave.)  A wise speaker gives the audience an opportunity to express that collective energy in the form of action. 

So think of something that you can get audiences to do, and they will thank you with higher ratings, better response, and more lasting connection with you.  Look for some sort of action step for the audience to take that is relevant to your talk and closes your speech with dynamism. 

I'll give you one example.  We helped a speaker design a talk to a large audience on a religious and charitable theme.  For the action step at the end, we had the speaker ask everyone in the audience to reach into their pockets and purses, grab all the loose change they could, and, on the count of 3, throw it on the floor of the meeting hall. 

We then sent 'runners' around to pick it all up.  The speech raised $12,000 for AIDS relief in 5 minutes.  That's an action step. 

A speaker asks a lot of an audience.  Understanding, enthusiasm, support -- and inactivity.  Audiences are expected to be passive by most speakers most of the time.  That's after all what speakers are paid for -- to inform and entertain the audience.  Not the other way around.  And the higher the price, the more entertaining the speaker better be.  But that means that most speakers figure that they should be doing the majority of the work. 

That's unfortunate, because if a speaker does a good job, pouring out lots of energy into an appreciative crowd, the audience is soon ready to give that energy back.  And it wants to give that energy back in the form of -- action.

Happy audiences want to do something, to show their involvement, their appreciation, their connection to the speaker.  (Unhappy audiences want to do something else:  leave.)  A wise speaker gives the audience an opportunity to express that collective energy in the form of action. 

So think of something that you can get audiences to do, and they will thank you with higher ratings, better response, and more lasting connection with you.  Look for some sort of action step for the audience to take that is relevant to your talk and closes your speech with dynamism. 

I'll give you one example.  We helped a speaker design a talk to a large audience on a religious and charitable theme.  For the action step at the end, we had the speaker ask everyone in the audience to reach into their pockets and purses, grab all the loose change they could, and, on the count of 3, throw it on the floor of the meeting hall. 

We then sent 'runners' around to pick it all up.  The speech raised $12,000 for AIDS relief in 5 minutes.  That's an action step. 

Can you present sitting down?

Many clients ask me if they can present sitting down. It's a natural question -- it feels more collegial, and less exposed, to sit down around the table like everyone else. And isn't it a good thing to be collegial? Doesn't it send out a nice message about what kind of person you are?

The answer is, unfortunately, not always.

Standing up while others are sitting automatically bestows some authority on the standee. And there are times when it's important to claim that authority, just as there are times when it's OK to be collegial. Just be aware that when you sit down, you are first and foremost saying, 'I'm one of you.' Don't 'say' it unless you mean it.

Of course we don't like arrogant, pushy people who claim authority that's not their own. But we also don't like people who pretend to be humble folks when in fact they're running the show. Both are annoying, and poor leadership.

Stand when you are leading a charge. If you are addressing the troops in order to present a new plan or direction, the decision has already been made, and you want to bring the people along with you, then stand. Sitting in that sort of situation is a form of non-verbal lying. Sitting is for discussion.

Stand when you are announcing a decision (after hearing a variety of opinions). Let's say you've listened to your team discuss some options and you've arrived at a decision. That's a good time to stand, to show that discussion is over and action is at hand.

Stand when your expertise is called upon. If you're the expert in the room, then you should stand to deliver your expertise. Sit down when you're done, and the others can have their day too.

Know when to sit, and when to stand. It does make a difference. We all give provisional respect to those stand up to make their points; after that it's up to you to earn continuing respect with the quality of the decision, the announcement, or the expertise.

Authenticity - 4: 5 ways to listen to your audience

This is the last in a series of blogs on achieving authenticity in public communications.  Authenticity is the sine qua non of our age. We all want it, and when it’s lacking in a public figure, we turn off to that person.  I talk more about authenticity in my book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma, but these blogs cover a condensed discussion of the topic. 

The final step in achieving authenticity is to listen to your audience. 

Communication is always a two-way activity.  If you think of a persuasive communication as a journey you take your audience (one or one thousand) on to change minds, then you’ll see that listening is a vital part of that process. Changing one’s mind occurs in a series of steps, and you need to know what step the other person is on in order to be effective in leading the process.

At its most basic, good listening offers feedback.  Feedback, which is often critical, is simply a response, usually involving evaluation of some kind.  Here’s how to do it without destroying the ego of the receiver and ultimately the relationship. Begin by describing the actions of the person to whom you’re giving feedback.  Then describe the consequences of the behavior, and the reasons for them.  Finally, check for comprehension and agreement.  Avoid criticism and emotional words.  Just the facts. 

To go a little further as a good listener, try paraphrasing what your audience is saying.  Paraphrasing means simply saying something like, “So let me be sure I’ve understood. What you’re saying is that the green ones are tastier than the brown ones?”  The point is to play back, like a recorder, what the person has said to you. That’s all. Resist the temptation to embroider (“But that’s ridiculous! That can’t be true!”) because that undoes all the good work of the paraphrase.

A subtle improvement on paraphrasing is clarifying what the speaker has said while essentially repeating it back to him.  The point is to translate and clarify what the other person is saying and play it back in order to check understanding. This is much harder work than merely paraphrasing, because you have to think about what you’ve heard and offer a fair summary or restatement.

So far, we’ve been dealing with the surface level of communication: the ostensible meaning of the words that are said.  To really begin to listen, you need to hear, see, and reflect the deeper, emotional meanings of the dialogue. This level might be called empathic listening.

Here, you identify the emotion underneath the words and respond in kind:  “I understand how painful this is for you, Joseph. I too had a project go bad early in my career. It really hurts.”  Note that this response first identifies, and accurately, the pain that the other person is feeling and then takes it on, sharing a similar experience or emotion from your own life story to identify with the other.  That’s empathy.

Finally, the most powerful form of listening — the one that people most strongly react to, feeling that they are both heard and understood — is a form of empathic listening where you identify the emotion and state its underlying causes without trying to solve the problem.  This form of active listening is the hardest to undertake. In a contentious situation, it can feel as if you’re giving in to openly express how the other is feeling. But you’re not; you’re just stating the other’s position as fully and honestly as you can. Agreement, compromise, or resolution will come later. For the moment, active listening is a powerful first step toward solving any serious problem in a communication.  And forming a strong, authentic bond with an audience. 

Authenticity - 3: 5 ways to show your passion through your words

This is the third in a series of blogs on achieving authenticity in public communications.  Authenticity is the sine qua non of our age. We all want it, and when it’s lacking in a public figure, we turn off to that person.  I talk more about authenticity in my book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma, but these blogs will cover a condensed discussion of the topic. 

The third step in achieving authenticity is to be passionate.  How do you effectively communicate passion through your content? Recognize that all the verbal expressions of emotion are not as strong as the nonverbal ones, and if the two are at odds, the person you’re communicating with will believe the nonverbal always.  That said, there are some ways to express passion through content.

The first, and simplest, technique is to label the emotion.  And yet this technique is one that people deny themselves all the time, because of our reluctance to talk about negative or strong emotions. Is it easy to look at a loved one and say, “I’m angry with you?” How about going into your boss’s office and saying, “Boss, I’m really frustrated because you have systematically under-funded and understaffed this initiative, and you know my career depends on its success?” And what about telling an old friend that he’s let you down by not showing up at a performance that really mattered to you?

A second equally simple yet profound technique to show passion in your verbal expression is to tell an uncomfortable truth.  It’s important to distinguish telling the truth from labeling the emotion. Certainly there can be overlap, but to tell an uncomfortable truth can often mean keeping your emotions in check. The passion that shows up in these instances is courage.

A third technique is to focus on the physical details of a situation without labeling the emotions. This technique works when everyone knows that the situation is emotionally charged.  Think Hemingway.  The idea is to let the audience inject the emotion precisely because you hold back.  Let them do the work. 

What other verbal techniques convey emotion?  Two main techniques, the rhetorical rule of threes and (appropriate) repetition, are the most powerful ways to convey emotion through rhetoric.

I’ve blogged about the Rule of Three’s before.  Basically, we like things – they sound complete and stronger – grouped in threes.  If the phrases or ideas are of unequal length, put the longest one last. 

There’s a real art to repetition. How do you manage it so that it doesn’t sound simple-minded but rather creates a crescendo of emotion that builds with each repetition?  The key is the phrase that’s repeated. It has to be able to bear the weight, and the words have to be affirmative, simple, and evocative. It’s not easy to find the right ones. The political world is full of repetitive phrasing and chanting of key phrases that the speaker begins and the audience takes over, but most of them are quickly forgotten.  An exception, of course, is Martin Luther King, Jr’s famous “I have a dream.”

Each of these devices heightens the emotional content of the words for effect; these are ways of conveying your passion with the words themselves.

Authenticity - 2: 8 ways to connect with audiences

This is the second of a series of blogs on achieving authenticity in public communications.  Authenticity is the sine qua non of our age. We all want it, and when it’s lacking in a public figure, we turn off to that person.  I talk more about authenticity in my book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma, but these blogs will cover a condensed discussion of the topic. 

The second step in achieving authenticity is to be connected.  Connected communication deals with the audience’s concerns.  Following are eight ways to connect with an audience through your content. 

Connected communication is phrased in the audience’s own language. This is a simple point, but one that many forget.  Insider language, jargon, identification with those you’re communicating with: all of these can strengthen the connection if they are used to highlight the bond between you.  Of course, if the jargon gets in the way of communication or sounds forced or fake, it won’t work. But used as a gesture of solidarity, it can have great impact.

Connected communication is direct and simple. Communication that cuts through the usual clutter, euphemisms, and verbiage can be powerfully effective. When you start with a truth that hasn’t been uttered out loud before, you get people’s attention. We’re so used to being sold in today’s marketing-saturated world that simple language about real concerns can cut through the noise.

Connected communication uses you and we more than I.  People like to hear about themselves, and, with rare exceptions, they like having the focus on them. Your language is a tip-off as to how well you’re accomplishing that. If you’re using the word I a great deal, you’re not communicating; you’re soliloquizing.

Connected communication is reciprocal. For the most part, people feel obligated to listen if you’ve listened to them.  Some self-absorbed people never reciprocate, but most of us do because the golden rule is deeply baked into our psyches.  So a good way to begin a communication is to find out what the other person (or group) has on its mind.

Connected communication is consistent. We don’t like to experience ourselves as inconsistent, so if I can snare your attention once, I’m likely to be able to get it again unless I’ve abused the privilege.  People prefer the familiar to the strange in most things. It’s why clichés are clichés, after all. Why go to all the work of developing a new source or finding a new expert if the old one will do?  So find ways to reinforce the consistency of your message. 

Connected communication is social. If everyone’s doing it, we’re more likely to join in unless we have an oppositional streak. Communications success breeds communications success.  This explains fads and the popularity of otherwise inexplicable things (like Barry Manilow).  Here, it helps to have someone introduce you stressing your social success.

We connect better with people who are like us.   Again, this is a simple rule that is often forgotten. In a world awash with information, especially if we feel threatened or disoriented by that overload of new data, we tend to go tribal and safe and cluster with people most like ourselves. Similarly, we are likely to recognize first the things that are most familiar to us: ourselves and the habits and activities we always engage in.  So find ways to tell your audience you are like them. 

Finally, and paradoxically, we also connect better with ideas, communications, and people whom we perceive to be unusual, scarce, or rare.  We are perverse creatures and can one day ignore and the next day embrace an idea, a communication, or a person who is unusual to us. Indeed, an opposing and equally powerful human urge, in contrast to the tribal instinct, is to take the stranger in and make him or her familiar.  So take your audience on a journey into the unknown.

Achieving Authenticity - 1 - Openness

I’m going to do a series of blogs on achieving authenticity in public communications.  Authenticity is the sine qua non of our age. We all want it, and when it’s lacking in a public figure, we turn off to that person.  I talk more about authenticity in my book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma, but these blogs will cover a condensed discussion of the topic. 

The first step in achieving authenticity is to be open – transparent – in your communications.  Why is openness so important?  Fundamentally, openness is a willingness to acknowledge all facets of your persona—to own everything without defensiveness and with honesty about intent.  Without openness as a first step, authenticity is not possible. 

One of the many ironies of public life today is that the secrets you try hardest to keep will almost certainly be revealed sooner or later. Furthermore, the public will be interested in them only to the extent that you continue to conceal your intent behind your actions. As soon as the human context is clear and we understand fully, we begin to move on.

So let’s take openness apart.  How do you achieve it?  Three main ways….

1. Openness begins with clarity of intent.   As humans, we believe that actions, especially ones directed toward us, are meaningful, and we want to know their meanings. Children learn early to ask, “ Why? ” until their parents run out of answers. They are trying to delve into and broaden their understanding of intent.

Because intent is so important to us as humans, clarity of intent lies at the very heart of being open. If I know what you intend, I can understand you, and my willingness to be open to you increases. The simplest way to be clear about your intent is to tell me early in our communications together.

2. Your language should take responsibility rather than evade it.  “ Mistakes were made” is a classic way politicians use to apologize or admit errors without actually doing so. That’s a passive construction that leaves the crucial actor, the politician, out of it.  Unfortunately, we all know what he really means, so once again the politician reveals more than he intends by attempting to conceal. And we assume the worst. Open language therefore favors active verbs.

3. Frame the context of a communication early.  The first questions on everyone’s minds when people communicate are about the whys of the meeting or event or conversation:  Why are we here? Why is this important? Why is this relevant to me?  We are trying to frame the encounter, whether it’s a negotiation, a keynote speech, or an ordinary business meeting.  Our first need is to be oriented, and we can’t begin to pay attention to anything else until that’s taken care of.  So answer your audience’s need to know why, and do it quickly, simply, and directly. Clear, honest framing is essential for open communication.

If you fail to create the context, that question will dog the proceedings from then on. And if you’re duplicitous about the context, then when the betrayal comes, it will be fatal to trust and the possibility of further open communications.

In casual communications, this step is accomplished quickly and effortlessly because of understandings that already exist. When two friends meet, for example, one will say, “Wassup?” to the other, and the conversation will pick up where it left off. Indeed, it will take a conscious effort in reframing to move the conversation off its usual tracks if one of the conversationalists wants to talk about something serious or different from the normal course of affairs.  In more formal settings, a good communicator knows that openness requires agreement on the agenda in order to avoid problems and recriminations later.  The phrase, “You never told me that. . .”  is a listener’s way of registering that an agenda item was not agreed on. The danger is that when the other person says that, he is letting himself off the moral hook, at least to some extent. You may be stuck with the problem and the blame.

When an issue has been announced, briefly discussed, and added to the agenda, it becomes everyone’s issue. If it is sprung as a surprise later, it will be your problem and your fault. The more intimate the relationship is, the more like a betrayal it will seem. Everyone (until they learn better) has had the experience of neglecting to tell a spouse or significant other some vital bit of information.  For example, you go to a party where the host is about to move to Bora-Bora. You forget to tell your spouse that vital detail, who finds out what everyone else knows at the shindig.  Brace yourself for an indignant, “Why didn’t you tell me! ”  on the car ride home.

Announcing the Worst Conference Experience Ever Contest

Recently, I called for an improvement in the way conferences are run and pointed out that the current downturn is an opportunity to make some long-overdue changes in conference behavior.  Conferences should involve their audiences more, and in more significant ways.  Conferences should tell coherent stories, not fill endless time slots. And conferences should use MCs as audience representatives.  Among other changes. 

To further promote these ends, I’m announcing a contest for the best story about the worst conference experience you’ve ever had.  First prize is an hour’s free telephone coaching either for a speech or a conference design.  Second and third prizes are copies of my new book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma. 

The contest begins with this posting and will run through the end of next week.  Entries must be 200 words or less, and my decision is final.

So bring it on.  Was it a memorably bad speaker?  A particularly stupid theme or breakout session?  A location?  An audience?  What made the experience awful?  Dish it out, and we’ll compare notes as they come in.  It’s time to raise the game by punishing the evil-doers.

How to begin a speech

How do you begin a speech?  There are still human beings who wander this earth recommending starting with a joke -- and even attempting it themselves.  The problem with that is, for the majority of us who aren't professional comedians, it's hard to deliver jokes successfully.  As any professional will tell you, most jokes fall flat.  That's why they have so many comebacks up their sleeves.

It's even harder to deliver a joke when you're beginning a speech, because that's when you're most nervous.  So don't try it.  Just don't.

Begin instead with something that will capture the audience's attention in a way that's relevant to what you're talking about.  Frame the discussion in some way.  You might have a startling statistic.  You might have a factoid that puts things in perspective.  You might have a question to ask the audience that gets its attention.  You might have a personal anecdote -- a relevant one, well told -- that shows your interest in the subject matter.  "I first became aware of the plight of Asian yak herders when I was trekking up the North Face of Everest, looked down, and saw three yaks dangling off a cliff a thousand feet below me with three herders desperately trying to get them back on the thin ribbon of trail...."

OK, so there probably aren't yaks that high up on Everest, but you get the idea.

Another great way to open is to involve the audience directly in some way.  Challenge them to do something, ask them questions about the topic, get their input in some fashion.  Try not to ask "guess what's in my head" questions, or difficult questions with right and wrong answers secretly designed to show off your expertise.  Instead, ask open-ended questions about the audience's experience with the topic.  The point is to involve the audience and make them feel important and smart, not to make you feel important and smart.

Finally, you can begin with a story.  Again, make it relevant to the topic.  Have it frame the discussion in some way that opens up new ideas for the audience rather than closes them down.  Have it make an emotional as well as intellectual point.  And tell it well.  Cut out the extraneous stuff.  Get clear on why the story is relevant and only include details that make the story comprehensible and refer directly to the frame.

Fundamentally, your job is to include the audience and let them know, in the first 1-3 minutes, why they're there, and why you're there, why the topic is important, and what your theme and emotional attitude is toward that topic.  If you can do that you're off and running.

Did Obama's body language match his rhetoric?

Every communication is two conversations, the content and the body language.  When the two are aligned, a speaker can be powerful – even charismatic.  When they are not aligned, the audience believes the non-verbal every time.  How well did President Obama’s Cairo University speech yesterday measure up in this regard?

Obama’s elegant and sweeping rhetoric talked about openness, listening, and peace.  What did his second conversation talk about?  Caution, restraint, and an unwillingness to risk very much.  This was not an emotional performance.  It was a careful, measured one. 

Let’s take the second conversation apart.  President Obama has the posture of a leader.  He strode out to the podium with the confident and upright posture of someone in command.  His wave to the audience was that of a leader acknowledging the many. 

As he began to speak, Obama folded and unfolded his hands in a constrained, protective manner on the podium.  It’s one of the few ways he betrays a little nervousness, typically at the beginnings of his speeches. 

To set against that, his posture continued to be upright and confident, and as he started the speech, he nodded repeatedly, acknowledging the crowd and building agreement with them. 

The President has great stillness in his body; this is charismatic and signals confidence, because it’s at once poised and yet relaxed enough to show that his nerves haven’t got the better of him.  (Contrast this with all the lesser public speakers you've seen who repeatedly shift their weight from one foot to the other.)  He is a practiced and expert public speaker.  It’s just that he can’t quite figure out what to do with his hands. 

While he occasionally got the gesture right -- as for example when he talked about the overlap in views between Muslim and Christian he overlapped his hands quite naturally – most of the time, he used his characteristic and prissy thumb-and-forefinger gesture.  This gesture is less admonishing than the raised forefinger, but it retains something of that off-putting feeling, and it is not one in the natural human retinue.  It looks calculated and fake.  For example, when he called for people around the world to “say openly to each other the things we hold in our hearts,” he used the thumb and forefinger instead of a more natural, open gesture that would have matched the words. 

The President repeated this pattern throughout the speech.  His non-verbal conversation was careful and half-closed even when his words were open.  Later, when he spoke of the “interests we all share as human beings” being “far more powerful than those that drive us apart,” he gestured as if he was holding something about the size of a loaf of bread in his hands.  Apparently, those shared interests are not very big.   

Similarly, when he talked about “equal justice” for everyone, his hands came back to the ‘parade rest’ folded position on the podium.  The hand gesture in that way spoke of a very carefully parsed out justice rather than a broad vision. 

The conversation of his hands was most natural when he said, “America doesn’t presume to know what is best for everyone.”  His open hand swept out across his chest in a gesture that unequivocally dismissed the presumption. 

At the close of the speech, when Obama said that “America respects all voices,” he used again the admonishing forefinger, suggesting that he was looking for a quid pro quo of respect back. 

President Obama is an extraordinarily polished, powerful, and persuasive speaker.  His posture, confident voice, and command of pacing together mean a highly accomplished delivery.  But he has still not figured out a natural set of gestures to go with his soaring rhetoric.  Overall, he radiates confidence and dignity.  Now he needs to figure out a set of gestures for his hands that is equally effective.

What did President Obama's Cairo speech achieve?

The reactions to President Obama's Cairo University speech are falling along predictable fault lines in the Middle East: http://bit.ly/pETKy.  But for more dispassionate observers, how did the speech go?  You can check out the text and video here: http://tinyurl.com/oz48ly. 

Opening with a greeting of peace, assalaamu alaykum, President Obama told the assembled Cairo audience that he had come to seek a new beginning:

I have come here to seek a new beginning between the United States and Muslims around the world; one based upon mutual interest and mutual respect; and one based upon the truth that America and Islam are not exclusive, and need not be in competition. Instead, they overlap, and share common principles - principles of justice and progress; tolerance and the dignity of all human beings.

The speech went on to follow the classic problem-solution format of a persuasive speech.  Obama stated the problem in honest and forthright terms:

We meet at a time of tension between the United States and Muslims around the world - tension rooted in historical forces that go beyond any current policy debate. The relationship between Islam and the West includes centuries of co-existence and cooperation, but also conflict and religious wars. More recently, tension has been fed by colonialism that denied rights and opportunities to many Muslims, and a Cold War in which Muslim-majority countries were too often treated as proxies without regard to their own aspirations. Moreover, the sweeping change brought by modernity and globalization led many Muslims to view the West as hostile to the traditions of Islam.

Violent extremists have exploited these tensions in a small but potent minority of Muslims. The attacks of September 11th, 2001 and the continued efforts of these extremists to engage in violence against civilians has led some in my country to view Islam as inevitably hostile not only to America and Western countries, but also to human rights. This has bred more fear and mistrust.

So long as our relationship is defined by our differences, we will empower those who sow hatred rather than peace, and who promote conflict rather than the cooperation that can help all of our people achieve justice and prosperity. This cycle of suspicion and discord must end.

His solution for this tension is the new beginning he calls for, as well as specific progress on 7 issues that contribute to the tension:  extremism, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, nuclear weapons, democracy, religious freedom, women’s rights, and economic development. 

This is elegant rhetoric indeed, and to the extent that good speech-making can open a door, or start a new dialogue, or re-set expectations, President Obama’s talk today should accomplish all those worthy goals.  

A note on his body language.  President Obama still has not figured out a natural set of gestures to go with his sweeping, well-delivered words.  His posture radiates confidence and dignity.  Now he needs to figure out a gestural rhetoric that is equally effective. 

Obama closed with a broad call for peace, repeating his theme of a new beginning: 

We have the power to make the world we seek, but only if we have the courage to make a new beginning, keeping in mind what has been written.

The Holy Koran tells us, "O mankind! We have created you male and a female; and we have made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another."

The Talmud tells us: "The whole of the Torah is for the purpose of promoting peace."

The Holy Bible tells us, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

The people of the world can live together in peace. We know that is God's vision. Now, that must be our work here on Earth. Thank you. And may God's peace be upon you.

Peace-loving people around the world can only agree.  Now the hard work of practical steps, real commitments, and compromise needs to begin. 

Can a weak speaker with a great message hold an audience?

Can a weak speaker with a great message hold an audience?  That’s the question that a speaker like Ray Anderson poses.  And can he improve?  I’ll answer that question at the end.  But first, who is Ray Anderson?  You can watch him speak at TED.com: http://tinyurl.com/ndkn5w

Ray Anderson likes to call himself someone who’s made a journey from “plunderer” to “reformed plunderer” to “the greenest CEO in America.”  It’s quite a journey.  Ray is the CEO of Interface, a maker of carpet tile and broadloom carpets.  Some 15 years ago, Ray read Paul Hawken’s book, The Ecology of Commerce (http://tinyurl.com/ra4z4d) and decided that he had to turn his carpet company from a typical “take-make-waste” company to sustainability. 

The results have been – and continue to be – extraordinary.  Ray’s company makes Flor carpet tiles, which are sustainable and eco-friendly and also just plain cool (http://www.flor.com/).  The company has reduced its carbon footprint 82 % while growing by 2/3rds.  Ray estimates that the company is half-way to its goal of zero emissions by 2020.  More than that, costs are down, the products are better, the workers are more inspired, and the free advertising is incalculable. 

Now, Ray’s goal is to transform all of business.  As he says, ‘more happiness with less stuff’ is the big idea. 

So he’s got a great message.  The full story is told, by the way, in Tim Sanders’ excellent book, Saving the World at Work (http://tinyurl.com/r9t3qe). 

Unfortunately, Ray’s not an inspiring speaker.  His voice needs work; it’s pitched too high and his sibilants are too pronounced.  Worse, he doesn’t connect with his audience.  He reads his speech with his nose in the paper, and the result is a sing-song, solipsistic delivery that doesn’t inspire. 

But the audience at TED did get on their feet, slowly, and in sections, to applaud him when he was done.  Why?  The message is great, the man is a hero.  And the speech was short.

The solution?  Rehearse him in brief segments, getting him to get his head up from the page.  By looking down too much of the time, Ray appears to the audience to be closed off from them.  He needs to practice talking to a close friend, or a grandchild, and then he’d get the idea.  I talk more about how to do this here: http://tinyurl.com/qrv3yk.  Ray needs to learn to be as open with an audience as he obviously is to a great idea. 

A Conference (and Meeting) Manifesto - How They Can Be Better

The meetings and conference business has taken hits from the economy and Joe Biden telling everyone he wants his family to stay off airplanes.  But, much like the overall economy, the business is slowly turning around, or at least slowing its decline.  So this is a good time to take a moment to consider the conference business in general.  What could it do better when it comes roaring back in 2010?  Following are my three radical suggestions for improving meetings and conferences. 

1.  Conferences and meetings should tell unique stories.   Think about how conferences and meetings are typically planned.  A committee picks a theme.  Then someone finds a keynote speaker to open, and maybe one to close.  Then the committee divides the rest of the time up into 60-minute slots and fills them with ‘breakouts’, panels, workshop leaders, and so on.  The result?  From the conference-goer’s point of view, it’s like a regular workday, only worse.  You’ve got back-to-back meetings to attend, a day or days you don’t get to schedule, and uncomfortable seating.  The only choice you get to exercise is not to take part in some or all of the sessions.  Then you feel guilty for sneaking off to the gym, or your hotel room, or the bar. 

It’s a dreary prospect, because it could be so much better.  A conference should tell a story, one that unfolds and builds from the initial moments to the close.  Like any good story, there should be moments of high excitement, followed by moments of relative calm.  That’s different from panic and boredom in ceaseless alternation - a typical experience of a meeting now.  A good meeting should make linear sense from start to finish, in a way that allows attendees to retain what they see and hear rather than just feeling overwhelmed by the information. 

2.  Conferences should be for, by, and about the attendees.  A meeting or conference should feel participative, and you, the meeting attendee, should have some significant part in it beyond being a warm body.  Attendees should react, critique, judge, schedule, and vote for what they like and don’t like.  And that’s just for starters. There are many ways to give attendees a larger role in meetings and conferences, from making them part of panel discussions to creating discussion groups to having them manage Q and A. 

Every meeting should have an MC, or MCs, and they should do more than just point out the bathrooms and introduce the next speaker.  They should integrate, challenge, pull together, combine, disrupt, and generally function as the representative of the attendees, making sense of it all and demanding more from the speakers and other leaders.

3.  Conferences should be about more than just eating and sitting.   We live more and more of our lives in the splendid isolation of the Internet, with all the faux connectors like Facebook, Twitter, email, and the rest.  Getting together is an increasingly rare and important privilege.  Meetings and conferences should be constructed to take advantage of the gathered group.  Every meeting or conference should use the power of the group to give something back to the community in which the meeting is held.  Help a local charity, fix a local problem, champion a local hero, start a new movement.  There are many ways one could imagine making use of the combined energies of the people assembled.  It’s a crime to waste that gathered power. 

To be sure, some meetings and conferences do some of these things now, but not enough, and few, if any, get them all done.  Meetings take their toll on the environment, the workplace, and the families of the attendees.  It’s time to raise the conference stakes and make them serve us better. 

Six Ways to Put Together a Persuasive Speech:

How do you put together a persuasive speech?  The classic way, first noted by the ancient Greeks, is to begin with a problem the audience has, and then put forward a solution.  That’s particularly suited to the presentation format, because it makes sense to us; it’s easily graspable in a speech.  We get the problem, we naturally turn to thinking, ‘OK, how can we solve it’.  Then a solution shows up in the speech at just the right moment.  I talk more about speech structure here: http://tinyurl.com/6sdl5v and here: http://tinyurl.com/n5e2yv but below is a quick run-down. 

But if problem-solution doesn’t fit your need, what are the other options?

If the problem is well understood by the audience, but the way forward is unclear, try the statement of reasons.   Here, you show how to get to your conclusion by listing and explaining all the important reasons for your point of view.  Start with the most important, and work your way down. 

Another way is the comparative advantages structure.  Here, you brainstorm all the ways in which your point of view, if it prevails, will advantage the audience.  List them, once again in order of importance. 

Yet another approach, good for when you have a keen understanding of the needs you are trying to address, is criteria – satisfaction.   Begin with a discussion of all the issues that need to be covered, then explain how your position will cover them. 

A fifth method, one that works well when you’re an authority who commands a lot of respect with the audience in question, is the general to specific method.  Here, you begin with the general rule that covers the particular issue under debate.  Then you show how the particular fits in, and you’re done. 

A final method is the negative method.  Here, you eliminate other options, until yours is the only one left standing.  This method is particularly good for highly contentious issues, like political debates.  Take care to give each of the other options a fair hearing, though; don’t caricature them.  That will only alienate the portions of your audience that holds those points of view. 

Use the 5 basic stories to add power to your speeches

I’ve written about using the power of the 5 basic stories that Western culture has to make your speeches stronger, ‘stickier’ and more instantly graspable.  Look here: http://tinyurl.com/6sdl5v or here: http://tinyurl.com/nxblef for more detailed information.  Today, I’m going to revisit the stories as a quick refresher course. 

The most fundamental of the stories is the Quest.  Here, case the audience as the hero.  Enlist them in your quest – bring them with you to accomplish something difficult.  A new product launch, a business launch, a re-organization – quests are best invoked when you want to ask for sacrifices from your audience and you need them to overcome obstacles. 

The nature of change today readily involves the second story:  Stranger in a Strange Land.  In this story, the rules, the terrain, the marketplace – something complicated and pervasive – has changed, and the audience needs to learn new rules in order to master the new situation.  Most consultants should invoke this story, since it allows them to play the mentor – the expert – in the story, the one who knows the new rules and can explain them.

The third story is the Love Story.   We can use this in organizational life more often than you might think.  Mergers, acquisitions, partnerships, even different parts of an organization working together – all of these can be love stories.  The strength of the love story is that we expect the road to be rocky – boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back is the old-fashioned version.  That means that you have ways to deal with problems when they come up if you use this story. 

The fourth story is Rags to Riches.   This story is always powerful, but never more so than in a recession.  The strongest version is the individual one, which is why the lottery does well in good and bad years.  So cast your story in personal terms and you’ll engage your audience strongly.  Tell them how they’re going to get rich, not how the company is going to get rich.

The fifth story is Revenge – never underestimate it.   Revenge is a very powerful motivator, so don’t leave it off the list because you’re squeamish.  Many a business pushes itself to succeed because of the competition, and that’s at base a revenge story.  Think of all the small software companies that began in order to take on Microsoft!  Think of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. 

Invoking each of these stories on a thematic level can be a wonderful way to increase the impact and power of your speeches.  Don’t be too literal about it.  Don’t say, ‘we’re on a quest’.  Instead, say, ‘the journey will be long and difficult, but at the end of it is a pot of gold and glory we can all share’.  You’ll have the audience engaged instantly; everyone knows and loves these stories.  And we all want to be heroes.   

 

Ellen's 3 rules for a great commencement speech

It’s the commencement address season, and the advice of the age is:  be yourself.  This advice has a variety of forms, some interesting, some less so.  Sometimes it comes under the rubric of ‘following your bliss’ and other times it’s more about authenticity.  But everyone is agreed that being yourself is important. 

How do you make that new and compelling?  If you’re Ellen Degeneres, you make it funny: http://tinyurl.com/r8vavt.  The speech is a great reminder that humor always makes its own rules.  In other words, if you’re funny, you can get away with just about everything else. 

So think of this as Ellen’s Three Rules for a Successful Commencement Speech. 

1.  Be funny.   Humor is so rare at the podium, that a funny speech will fall like manna from heaven.  But humor is hard to do, and hard to do well.  You run the risk of offending some portion of your audience.  So be warned.  Humor takes guts.

2.  Be real; tell real stories.  Ellen leavens her humor with some very serious stories from her own life and her struggle to find her niche.  Authenticity is essential, especially if you’re going to be funny, because we only trust people who show us their hearts.

3.  Be brief.  Ellen’s speech lasts less than 10 minutes.  It’s hard to imagine why you would want to go longer.  Attention spans used to be 21 minutes; recently some have argued that they are shrinking – to 10 minutes.  If that’s true, then it’s the new right length for commencement speeches.   

Where President Obama went wrong on the Guantanamo Speech -- and how you can do better

How do you argue your side of an emotional, contentious issue in a way that doesn’t further divide people?  President Obama’s recent speech on “Protecting Our Security and Our Values” delivered at the National Archives on May 21, 2009, was an example of a well-argued speech that unfortunately will only inflame the debate further. 

The speech is a clearly-constructed brief on what the Obama Administration has done to keep America safe – and how it has diverged from the previous administration’s attempts to do exactly the same thing.  However you feel about the politics of the matter, if Obama was hoping to still the debate, here’s where he went wrong:

After 9/11, we knew that we had entered a new era — that enemies who did not abide by any law of war would present new challenges to our application of the law; that our government would need new tools to protect the American people, and that these tools would have to allow us to prevent attacks instead of simply prosecuting those who try to carry them out.

Unfortunately, faced with an uncertain threat, our government made a series of hasty decisions. And I believe that those decisions were motivated by a sincere desire to protect the American people. But I also believe that — too often — our government made decisions based upon fear rather than foresight, and all too often trimmed facts and evidence to fit ideological predispositions. Instead of strategically applying our power and our principles, we too often set those principles aside as luxuries that we could no longer afford. And in this season of fear, too many of us — Democrats and Republicans; politicians, journalists and citizens — fell silent.

In other words, we went off course.

Whether you agree or disagree with the analysis, you have to believe that this does not describe what the previous administration thought it was doing.  So, from the point of view of the other side, you can only feel that Obama has distorted your position.  And when you feel that your position has been distorted, you dig in, you don’t come around. 

What should Obama have done differently?  If you want bring the other side in, then you have to give its arguments full scope and credence.  You can’t ascribe haste, fear, and the trimming of facts and evidence to them, even if you believe that to be the case.  You can’t accuse them of setting aside their principles.  You have to argue the other side’s case on its own merits. 

Then, and only then, you can give your own position.  To forestall criticism and avoid inflaming a debate further, understand and be ready to give the other side’s position.  Fairly.  First.  And forthrightly. 

3 ways Improv can strengthen your public speaking

One of the best ways you can train to become a better public speaker is to take a year of Improv. Most major cities have at least one great Improv troupe that takes on beginners. In Chicago, there’s Second City (http://www.secondcity.com/), in NYC there are a number of choices (try Peoples Improv Theatre: http://www.thepit-nyc.com/), and in Boston, I can recommend ImprovBoston highly (http://www.improvboston.com/).

Why Improv?

Because it helps you become more comfortable on your feet, trains you to react in the moment, and helps you learn not to take yourself too seriously. If that’s not enough, here are 3 lessons from Improv that will improve your public speaking.

1. Yes…And. In the business world, many of us spend a lifetime saying, “yes, but….” in response to every new idea that’s presented to us. Improv trains you to say “Yes, and…” – in other words, to embrace what someone else has offered and create something with it or on top of it. That helps enormously in responding to your audiences as a speaker. You learn to take whatever is thrown at you with a smile and do something positive with it.

2. There are no mistakes. In Improv, you learn that apparent mistakes are often your best opportunity for comedy. In public speaking, we often get in the trap of thinking that there’s only one way to do things. We have a script in mind, and we think something is wrong when we deviate from it. In Improv, you learn to embrace the apparent flub and do something fun with it. Mistakes like that often lead to new insights and understandings.

3. Always stay grounded in the emotional truth. In Improv, you learn not to try to be funny, but rather to tell the truth – the emotional truth. Real comedy comes from that – audiences delight in watching people struggle with true emotional quandaries. In speaking, it’s the same. If you stick to the emotional truth, you’ll never get too far wrong. If you try to fake it, the audience will soon catch on, and you’ll lose them.

How to interact with an audience -- 7 questions to get you started

Audiences today expect to have a conversation with speakers, and they crave real connection with successful speakers.  The best way to ensure that these good things happen during your presentations is to involve your audiences throughout. 

But that takes some art.  How do you think about it?  How do you avoid the lame arrangement of too many presentations where the speaker drones on for 45 minutes, then stops and says, “Any questions?”  As the audience shakes itself awake, and starts wondering if it does in fact have any questions, the speaker stands there for what seems like an eternity, then gives up and concludes that no one cares.   

How do you avoid this dysfunctional state of affairs?  How can you involve audiences in your presentations? 

Following are a series of questions to ask the audience, in order to start connecting with them.  The questions have to be tailored, of course, to your particular situation.  They are intended as a guide, as a way to think about connecting with an audience.  Take the questions in the broadest possible sense and apply them to your particular subject and audience. 

1.  Ask them who they are – get them to report on their personal stories, insights, attitudes, connections to the material, perspectives on the topic, etc.  

2.  Ask them to brainstorm – get them working together to solve the problem at hand.  Brainstorming works best when it’s specific and involves a piece of the issue, not the whole issue. 

3.  Ask them to play games – most groups enjoy friendly competition to solve a problem, issue, challenge, game, or treasure hunt.  Make the prize good enough that the audience doesn’t perceive it as tacky, but not so grand that people will be seriously upset if they lose.  A gift certificate, a bottle of wine, that sort of thing. 

4.  Ask them to report to the group – once you’ve imparted some new information to the audience, it’s good to ask them to work on solutions, reporting back to the group on some aspect of what they’ve found.  Again, keep it specific. 

5.  Ask them to teach others – if an audience has learned a new skill or idea, then get them to teach each other to reinforce the learning.  Keep it specific. 

6.  Ask them to design responses  -- if you’re presented an issue to a group, and they’ve taken your thoughts on board, then it’s good to ask them to design responses.  You might have them structure a new system to handle the IT problems you’ve been lecturing about.  Keep it simple; don’t expect too much off the top of the audience’s head. 

7.  Ask them to initiate a path forward – if your talk involves some aspect of future thinking, planning, solving, re-designing, and so on, then get the audience to create the first few steps – and even take the first one.  If you’re talking to an audience about solutions to our health care mess, for example, you might want to get participants to establish a process going forward for ensuring that everyone’s voice gets heard. 

Jim Collins and his new book, How the Mighty Fall

It’s always dangerous to take on an icon, but here we go.  Jim Collins has written a new book, How the Mighty Fall, and he’s on camera talking about it: http://tinyurl.com/rymn9m

Collins is the Marcus Welby of the business world.  He looks and sounds the part of the sage business adviser.  And the first thing that has to be said about him is that he is a consummate, technically near-perfect speaker – at least on camera and on the small screen.  That doesn’t always translate to the large stage, of course – and vice-versa. 

On screen, then, he’s got wonderful pacing – talking quickly, but every now and then slowing down markedly on a key point to emphasize it.  His voice is authoritative, his gestures passionate.  This is one smart, articulate guy. 

It’s the message that’s the problem.  Good to Great  purported to identify the characteristics that made a company great, and the recommendations in it at least were actionable.  The issue was that the companies identified as such soon fell off the lofty perch Collins had put them on. 

That made How the Mighty Fall inevitable, I suppose.  But the problem is that the five stages here are not actionable points in the life of an organization.  Instead, they’re moral judgments.  From ‘hubris born of success’ to the ‘undisciplined pursuit of more’ to the ‘denial of risk and peril’ to ‘grasping for salvation’ and finally ‘capitulation to irrelevance or death’, these so-called stages are actually moral states lifted from the religious classic Pilgrim’s Progress.  The title gives away the plot, in this case. 

I won’t get any thanks for saying so, but Collins is a preacher talking sin, not a business thinker showing us how to revivify ailing companies or an ailing economy. 

Gary Vaynerchuk's 3 Rules for Success in Public Speaking

So I don’t know why I haven’t talked about the wine guy Gary Vaynerchuk before, but here goes.  You can see him waxing passionate about wine here: http://tv.winelibrary.com/.  And you can see him on Web 2.0 giving a talk on following your bliss and social media here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhqZ0RU95d4. 

Either way, you have to agree:  you can’t take your eyes off this guy.  Why?  Three simple reasons.  In honor of the Wine Guy, I’ll call them Gary Vaynerchuk’s 3 Rules for Success in Public Speaking.

1.  Be absolutely passionate about what you’re doing.  Gary’s passion spills out all over the set, the stage, the audience.  He’s taking no prisoners, and the result is captivating.  It covers the many little ways in which he breaks some perfectly good rules of public speaking.  For example, in the Web 2.0 talk, he’s constantly pacing back and forth.  He only comes to a halt occasionally, and if the talk had gone on much longer, it would have become distracting, and ultimately wearying for the audience.  In small doses, it’s fine.  And of course, on his show, he’s behind a table for the most part drinking wine, so his energy goes into his face and his commentary, where it belongs. 

2.  Be absolutely authentic about what you’re doing.   Gary’s geekiness and occasional clumsiness are endearing because they reinforce his authenticity.  Authenticity is the single most important quality for speakers today.  Historically speaking, that’s because of the current mood in the country (and the world) thanks to AIG, bank bailouts, rampant hypocrisy in high places, 9-11 and probably Watergate too.  Whatever the precise reason, we are drawn to people who are authentic because we’re tired of being spun, lied to, conned, and generally abused by authorities.  I go into the need for authenticity (and how to achieve it) in my new book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma. 

3.  Maintain a sense of humor about yourself.   If you follow rules # 1 and #2, you’ll get noticed.  But if you don’t have a sense of humor about yourself – and occasionally let it out for air – people will quickly tire of you.  Gary’s saving grace is that he’s funny about his passion and doesn’t take himself too seriously in the end. 

Study Gary for his inner qualities, not for his mastery of the technical detail of public speaking.  He's not a polished speaker, but he’s the real deal, and he’s absolutely wonderful to watch. 

Questions for speakers to ask meeting planners

Following is a list of questions that speakers should ask meeting planners in getting ready to speak at an event.  You won't need to ask all of them all the time; the list is meant to give you a broad set of ideas. 

A.  The Venue

When is the speech taking place?
Where?
How many in the audience?
What time of day? How long should the speech be?
Will the audience be eating or have eaten?
What is the hall like?
Is there lighting?
What is the sound like?
The layout?
Are there backdrops, sets, stages, props, podia?
Are there barriers between speaker and audience?
How long is the audience’s day?
How many other speakers?
What is the nature and content of those speeches?
What kind of chair is the audience in?
How long have they sat there?
What is the event theme?
Slogan? 
What is the arrangement for slides and other visuals?
How quiet is the hall? 
Is there background noise?
When can we get in the hall for rehearsal?

B.  The Audience

Describe the audience
What is the age range?
Socio-economics?
Do they know each other?
Do they work for the same or difference orgs?
Describe the organization(s)?
What should my talk be about?
What is the point of the event for the audience?
How is the audience feeling?
What is the business climate?
What does the audience fear most?
What are their hopes and dreams?
What makes them laugh or cry?
What makes them worry?
What do they need to succeed?
What are their cultural references?
What is they worst speaker they’ve ever seen?
What would you like them to do differently as a result of the talk?
Who are their heroes and villains?
What are their recent successes and failures?
Why are they there?
Have you made any arrangements to get feedback? 
A DVD?

C.  The Speech

Why did you pick me?
Who or what determines the success or failure of this event?
How will that be measured?
How does the idea of my speech work for your event?
Give me some audience members that are great (or bad) examples of the points of my speech?
Can I interview them?
What is the problem the audience has for which my expertise is the solution?
Is the audience expecting interactivity?
Is the audience used to Power Point?
Can I ask for volunteers?
How many of them will have read my book?
Can we arrange for a signing/sales event?
What journey do you want the audience to go on?
Why should the audience pay attention to my speech?
How will you know if they have taken something important away from the speech?

What should Seth Godin have done? How do you respond to a last-minute change?

Yesterday, I commented on Seth Godin’s TED.com speech, overall finding it impressive, and making a few suggestions for improvement.  Seth commented on one of those, and his comment has raised an interesting question:  what do you do when you discover that the event organizer has thrown you a last-minute curve?

In Seth’s case, it was a piano in the middle of the stage, eating up the space he normally has for working the audience.  What could Seth have done to cope?

First of all, let’s say that the event organizer had no business messing with a speaker’s mind at the last minute.  The speaker is in adrenaline mode, and it is very hard to change directions under those conditions and with that kind of time pressure.  A pro like Seth has a last-minute series of preparations to go through, and it is unfair and unprofessional to interrupt those with sudden, 11th-hour changes.

But it happens.  So what do you do?  You’ve got to confront it, come up with a plan, deal with it immediately, and get it off your mind.  Otherwise, the result is that it detracts from your performance because it takes up that part of your brain that would normally be delivering a brilliant speech. 

That’s what adrenaline is for:  facing and dealing with problems.  So focus on the issue, come up with a solution – probably imperfect – and then move on.  Don’t second-guess yourself.

The most common curve thrown by meeting planners is the following:  “We’re running a little late, and we need you to shave 20 minutes off your presentation.” 

What do you do? 

This happens so often that you need to have 1-hour, 40-minute, and 20-minute versions of your talk ready to go at all times.  In other words, deal with this one by being prepared in advance so that you won’t be surprised. 

The other kind of last-minute issue that happens all the time is the technology problem.  The room is too bright, making your slides invisible.  The sound system doesn’t have enough volume to make your video audible.  The computer you have is not compatible in some way with the system.  And so on.  The possibilities are endless. 

The response?  Bring back ups.  Lots of back ups.  Everything technological that your presentation depends on should have back ups.  And one more thing:  have a version of your speech ready to go that involves NO TECHNOLOGY.  Think of it as the candlelight version.  One day, you’ll thank me. 

So what should Seth have done when he found that instead of a stage to work in he basically had a closet with no walls? 

He should have used the piano.  In some way.  Always recognize the gorilla in the room.  He might have started by sitting on the piano bench.  Or on the piano.  Perhaps he could have begun by singing (and playing) happy birthday for the event organizer, if in addition to his other talents Seth is musically gifted. 

The exact solution depends on the moment.  But when an event organizer throws you a curve like that, you’ve got to deal with it and move on.  If it’s a real problem, like a sudden decimating of the size of the stage, then it’s best to bring it up, briefly and positively, and move on.  The audience will be on your side if you handle the issue expeditiously and with charm and dispatch. 

What we can learn from Seth Godin

Seth Godin’s TED.com talk on his latest book, Tribes, recently became available on TED’s web site: http://tinyurl.com/o8cx5f.  What does Seth do right, and what does he do wrong as he tells us his latest idea?

We can all learn from Seth Godin on both counts.  First, what he does right.

Seth makes it all about the audience.  The typical speaker tells us about all the research he has done, and what it shows.  Seth tells us about – us.  How we all want to create change, lead a movement, and stand out.  Even if you personally don’t want that, you get caught up in the underlying emotional message:  you’re special.  It’s very hard to resist. 

Seth’s passion comes through because he is open to the audience.  Godin’s openness comes through in his body language and his inclusive language.  That creates a strong connection with the audience, so that we are ready to receive his passionate message.  If a speaker doesn’t begin by being open, we will reject the message.  It’s that simple. 

Seth uses humor to disarm any potential critics.  If we were inclined to say, ‘hang on a minute, not everyone can be a leader; that doesn’t make sense.  The world needs followers, too,’ Seth’s humor stops us from insisting too much on the logic.  His humor is contained in his slides – great visual humor that you can get in one blink, like the shot of the firefighters sitting posed for a picture outside a burning house. 

What does Godin do wrong?  Not much, but here are a few ways in which he could improve.

He wanders around the stage.  Seth has what we call ‘happy feet’ – he allows some of his adrenaline to come out in wandering around the stage.  The result is distracting and undercuts the effectiveness of his message.  It’s just harder to get what he’s talking about when his body provides a random visual distraction that way.

He allows his volume to get away from him.  Sure, it’s a big audience, and sure, he’s passionate.  But too much shouting quickly gets tiresome on the ear.  He needs to vary his pitch more, like he does his pacing.  Seth is an expert pauser for effect, and he should vary his volume too.

His speech strings too many ideas together that don’t really connect logically.  Godin begins with an assertion in the form of a question – what do ‘we’ – that is, the audience and Seth – do today?  We all want to change things, he says.  It’s an assertion grabbed from the air, and it doesn’t bear much logical thought.  To the contrary, most people hate change.  But never mind.  From there, he launches into a quick history of recent times:  from factories to television to leaders (and tribes).  Soon he’s talking about how to do it – ‘it’ being start a movement.  It’s all a bit loosey-goosey, logically speaking, and it’s really an emotional argument (that everyone – you and you and you – are potential leaders, all special), not an idea per se. 

But overall, this is a great communicator with a deep understanding of how to connect with audiences.  Study this TED.com talk for how to up your own game. 

The Four Essential Elements of Open Language

I often blog on the importance of open body language in giving a presentation.  But no less important is openness of language.  Following are 4 keys ways that people test openness of language against the ideal; fail in one of these and your audience will write you off as not forthright, or honest – and ultimately not worth listening to. 

Openness in Intent.  As humans, we believe that actions, especially ones directed toward us, are meaningful, and we want to know the meanings. Children learn early to ask, “ Why? until their parents run out of answers. They are trying to delve into and broaden their understanding of intent.  Because intent is so important to us as humans, clarity of intent lies at the very heart of being open. If I know what you intend, I can understand you, and my willingness to be open to you increases. The simplest way to be clear about your intent is to tell me early in our communication together.

Openness in Responsibility. “ Mistakes were made ” is a classic way politicians use to apologize or admit errors without actually doing so. That’s a passive construction that leaves the crucial actor, the politician, out of it. Unfortunately, we all know what he really means, so once again the politician reveals more than he intends by attempting to conceal. And we assume the worst. Open language therefore favors active verbs.

Openness in Framing.  The first questions on everyone’s minds when people communicate are about the whys of the meeting or event or conversation: Why are we here? Why is this important? Why is this relevant to me? We are trying to frame the encounter, whether it’s a negotiation, a keynote speech, or an intimate conversation. Our first need is to be oriented, and we can’t begin to pay attention to anything else until that’s taken care of.  So answer your audience’s need to know why, and do it quickly, simply, and directly. Clear, honest framing is essential for open communication. If you fail to create the context, that question will dog the proceedings from then on. And if you’re duplicitous about the context, then when the betrayal comes, it will be fatal to trust and the possibility of further open communications.

Openness in Agenda.  In casual communications, this step is accomplished quickly and effortlessly because of understandings that already exist. When two friends meet, for example, one will say, “ Wassup? ” to the other, and the conversation will pick up where it left off. Indeed, it will take a conscious effort in reframing to move the conversation off its usual tracks if one of the conversationalists wants to talk about something serious or different from the normal course of affairs.  In more formal settings, a good communicator knows that openness requires agreement on the agenda in order to avoid problems and recriminations later. The phrase, “ You never told me that . . . ” is a listener’s way of registering that an agenda item was not agreed on. The danger is that when the other person says that, he is letting himself off the moral hook, at least to some extent. You may be stuck with the problem and the blame.

When an issue has been announced, briefly discussed, and added to the agenda, it becomes everyone’s issue. If it is sprung as a surprise later, it will be your problem and your fault. The more intimate the relationship is, the more like a betrayal it will seem. Everyone (until they learn better) has had the experience of neglecting to tell a spouse or significant other some vital bit of information. For example, you go to a party where the host is about to move to Bora-Bora. You forget to tell your spouse that vital detail, who finds out what everyone else knows at the shindig. Brace yourself for an indignant, “ Why didn’t you tell me! ” on
the car ride home. 

Paying attention to these 4 openness issues will ensure that you connect fully with your audience and that they perceive you as an authentic communicator.  I talk more about these issues in my new book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authentic and Charisma.   

How to survive a panel

Panels are a low form of public speaking.  It's a lazy, cheap way for a conference planner to fill an hour or 90 minutes.  But you get what you pay for in this as in other things.  Rarely does a panel provide memorable content. 

The success or failure of a panel in the end all depends on the moderator.  A good moderator can tie the ideas together, challenge people, and keep the conversation going.  I've probably seen that happen twice in my 20 years of conference-going.  Usually a panel is a depressing spectacle of speakers overrunning their time, repeating themselves, or rambling inexcusably because they haven’t prepared since ‘it wasn’t a real speech'.  There’s very little interaction between the panelists, the moderator just sits back and watches the train wreck, and the audience’s time is wasted.  

How can you improve upon this pitiful record?  Let’s imagine you’ve been invited to be on a panel.  Audiences always say they wish the one good person on the panel had been allowed to speak for the entire time.  So your goal is to be that one good person.  What are the secrets?

First, make it a little easier for the moderator by preparing a good introduction that provides some 'hooks' for the moderator to know what to ask you.  "Jim is well-known for his controversial opinions on the proper temperature of yak milk for optimal storage life."

Second, prepare a 10-minute speech that leaves out detail but hits one controversial point, and has the overall structure of a good, persuasive speech, just in 'lite' form.  Prepare questions and answers by deciding what you would like to be asked and then prep the answers so that no matter what the question, you get to put yourself forward in an interesting way and in a good light.  "I'm glad you asked me that question about little green men.  What I find, in my experience, is that it's not so much the specific case that matters as the general rule.  So, for example, when I'm thinking about the issue of how IT can help the business......" OK, an extreme case, but you get the idea.

Third, if you want to overachieve, study the other panelists and their ideas in advance, and make friendly, polite comments when answering your questions that refer back to them.  "As Bill rightly says, it's not the bytes, it's the bits.  What I find, in my experience is that...."  or "Let's not forget Jane's point about the future of Oracle.  Just the other day, I was talking with President Obama about where IT was headed, and I told him...."

The other panelists will be so pleased that you mentioned their names that they won't care (too much) if you don't spend a lot of time on their ideas.  Just reference them and move on.   Even better, link your ideas and theirs in meaningful ways.  Your audience will deeply appreciate the help. 

Finally, if you really want to overachieve, call the other panelists in advance and interview them.  Ask them what they're going to say.  You'll find out a lot about their personalities, which will help you prepare for the spotlight hogs and the cranky, idiosyncratic nay-sayers.  And you can do the moderator’s work to an extent by linking the ideas together and drawing some conclusions for the whole. 

How to establish trust and credibility with an audience -- and why

There was a study done a few years back that asked audiences what they looked for in a speaker.  What came up at the top of the list was trust and credibility.  Over the years, I’ve studied how best to create those good feelings in the minds of audience members, and observed both good and bad speakers with these ideas in mind.  Here’s what I’ve come up with.

Both trust and credibility have a verbal (content) and a non-verbal (body language) component.  Credibility is established by showing audiences that you understand their problems.  Trust comes from showing audiences how to solve them.

In non-verbal terms, trust is built up with physical openness to the audience.  The opposite body language – all the forms of closed behavior that speakers are prone to exhibit – creates the inverse feeling, distrust.  I’ve seen that happen over and over again with even experienced speakers who wrestle with the urge to protect themselves from the gaze of hundreds of pairs of eyes – by closing off their body language, even if only partially.

Credibility is created with authoritative body language and with an authoritative voice.  Stand tall, holding your head high, with good posture, and you’re half-way there.  To go the rest of the distance, use pitch properly, going up to show emotion, and coming down at the ends of phrases to show certainty.

In terms of content, credibility is best established by someone else – the person who introduces you.  If you don’t get a good introduction, then demonstrate your expertise with carefully selected statistics and factoids from your field of endeavor.  I say “carefully” because you don’t want to overdo it.  Audiences resent know-it-alls who bury their listeners in useless, hard-to-recall data. 

Trust in content comes from taking your audience on a journey that changes their view of the world in some meaningful way.  Take them from “why” – the question they ask at the beginning of a speech (why am I here, why should I care) to ‘how’ – the question they’ll be asking at the end if you’ve done your job right.  I say much more about this in the new book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma. 

Humor, Part 3: Wit.

For my final blog on humor in public speaking, I’m turning to wit.  Wit is the humor that creates charm, impresses with intelligence, and gets the girls.  So be witty.

Of course, that’s easier said than done.  How do you achieve wit?  I have three suggestions, but first begin by watching J. J. Abrams, the TV and movie producer and director of hits like MI-3, Lost, and the new Star Trek: http://tinyurl.com/6649cn.  The talk is witty, as is the man.  This TED.com talk is also full of insights into creativity that will stick with you once the wit has worked its charm and moved on. 

First Suggestion:  Don’t try too hard.  Wit flows from passion for the subject.  If you feel strongly about something, you will find wit in the subject and you will share it with your audience.  Unless of course you’re a corporate accountant who’s idea of fun is a late night with a multi-celled spreadsheet. 

That said, one of the wittier speakers I’ve heard was a lecturer on accounting, who used the Wells Fargo company as his example, back in the day when it had to account for losses of the strong box because of marauding Indians.  His passion for the subject of accounting led him to this witty way to explain an otherwise dreary subject. 

Second Suggestion:  Wit is all about upending expectations.  The wit is in the surprise.  J.J. shows a clip from the “Lost” pilot episode, with a downed aircraft and lots of gore and mayhem, with very impressive special effects.  He says, “Ten years ago if we wanted to do that, we would have had to kill a stunt man…. Take Two would have been a bitch.”  You’re not quite sure where he’s going, but the second sentence is witty because it is surprising. 

Third Suggestion:  To be witty, take the subject, but not yourself, seriously.  Wit begins with yourself, with self-deprecation.  It’s one reason why the British are so much better at it, culturally speaking, than Americans.  The British are expert self-deprecators, probably because they have to put up with more pomposity in the form of 2,000, rather than 200, years of tradition and history.  But when pressed, we can do it too.  J. J. Abrams says, of filming Mission Impossible III, that his favorite scene is the one that involves shooting a dangerous drug up Tom Cruise’s nose.  He says, “I quickly learned that there are 3 things you don’t want to do.  Number two is hurt Tom’s nose.”  The scene, which you should now go back and watch again, actually has Tom Cruise’s hand shooting the dart-filled gun up his own nose (because he knew how hard to push). 

That’s the magic of the movies.  And that’s wit. 

Why is most public speaking so awful?

Why is most public speaking so awful? Why do we subject our fellow human beings to this form of torture when there are so many better things we could all be doing, like cutting our toenails, baking snickerdoodles, or watching re-runs of The Prisoner? You’re in a ballroom with no windows in some random airport hotel. The lighting is dim. The whir of the heating system fills your ears with white noise. The colors around you are shades of grey and beige with puce trimmings. You’re only awake because you’ve had 1300 cups of coffee from the urn in the hallway. Let the speaking games begin. It’s a diabolical sensory deprivation experiment. Why is most public speaking so awful? Beyond soulless venues and Death by Power Point, speakers make the same four mistakes over and over again, continuing the sorry state of the art.....

For the rest of this free e-book:  http://www.changethis.com/58.06.PublicWords

Humor, part 2: 3 Rules for Mastering Irony

Irony is the humor of the era.  At its worst, irony is a cheap, easy way to get a chuckle and avoid making a commitment.  At its best, irony is a memorable way for the alienated to comment on the ‘in crowd’, the powerless to bring down the powerful, and the hip to skewer the not-so-hip.  John Hodgman provides a brilliant example of wonderful irony on TED.com:  http://tinyurl.com/6abzzm.  Check it out for how to do irony well.   There are 3 rules for making irony memorable rather than cheap. 

Hodgman begins by talking about Enrico Fermi, the brilliant Italian physicist, and aliens.  The kind that come in space ships and land in the Nevada desert, that is.  Hodgman says, “Isn’t it strange that he only asked for one thing?  A gift of two healthy sperm whales?  That’s not true, but it is strange.”

Rule Number One.  There’s considerable wit in what Hodgman does, but the predominant mode is ironical.  “The aliens might be very far away,” he says, in explaining why we haven’t seen them yet, “Even on other planets.”  He brilliantly illustrates the first rule of great irony by providing an overall narrative that is different from what he is apparently talking about.  Hodgman’s apparent narrative is all about his (non) encounters with aliens, but his real narrative is all about how he, a nerd, found love, got married, and remains in love today. 

It’s a very sweet story, told with delicacy and tact – and irony.  Most cheap irony lacks the meta-narrative that gives a good story its structure.  Cheap irony is usually just a pot shot at something the narrator doesn’t like but can’t do much about.  

Rule Number Two.  The second rule of great irony is that something important has to be at stake.  In Hodgman’s case, it’s love.  He is traveling in Portugal with the girl who becomes his wife, and she goes off on her own to check out a beach.  She’s a long time coming back to the hotel, and Hodgman realizes how alone he is in the universe.  As he says, “I could not call her on a cell phone because the aliens had not given us that technology yet.” 

But what’s at stake can be anything important that the speaker-narrator cares about.  Cheap irony has nothing behind it – no alternative that it is proposing.  Powerful irony points to a better way. 

Rule Number Three.   The third rule of irony is that its viewpoint has to run counter to the one held by those currently in power.  Again, in Hodgman’s case, the predominant viewpoint is that nerds can’t find love.  After all, it’s the Prom Kings and Queens that get love, right?  Hodgman quietly and ironically insists on the contrary, that nerds can find love, too.  “Even though we are married, I love her and wait for her still,” he says, perhaps the best last (ironical) line of a love story in recent years. 

Humor in public speaking -- 1: How to use traditional humor

Humor is hazardous to the health of public speakers.  Most speakers want to be funny, but you’ve got to do humor well, or it falls flat and that’s worse than no humor at all.  This week, in honor of May and May Day, I’m going to talk about how to manage humor in public speaking. 

Traditional jokes – with punch lines – are the hardest to do.  My first rule of the week is, don’t try traditional humor.  But if you’re determined – or you think you’re funny – then here are a couple of tips for making the experience good for both you and the audience. 

Let’s start with an example of a funny speech:  http://tinyurl.com/c67xez.  Emily Levine is a self-proclaimed trickster and a very funny person.  She’s Harvard-trained and still manages to be hilarious.  Does that make her a Type-A comedian?  Anyway, Emily’s humor is all about finding the contradictions in modern life that we’ve stopped noticing.  Stuff like the following sign in a beauty salon:

Ears pierced while you wait. 

Just imagine the alternative.  I’ll leave my ears hear until 5.  I’ve got a couple of errands to run.  But I’ll be back to pick them up.  What?  I couldn’t hear you. 

Trickster humor is all about finding those sorts of contradictions and pointing them out.  Also about crossing boundaries that are normally left intact.  If there were an Olympics in martyrdom, my grandmother would have lost on purpose…..

Check out Emily and learn from her.  She’s a comedian in the classic sense – she tells jokes.  That’s very hard to do.  As you watch the talk, note how she ‘sells’ her jokes with her body.  When she talks about not hanging up on telemarketers, because Emily Post says it’s rude, she devises another strategy.  After the telemarketer has delivered about half his pitch, she says, “I interrupted with, ‘You sound really sexy’.  He hung up on me!”  She says the ‘really sexy’ line with a husky voice, and sells the punch line with a pelvic stance.  The tone of voice and the posture are essential to the humor. 

So, if you’re determined to attempt traditional comedy in your speeches, then practice selling the jokes with your body language and voice.  You’re got to be 100 percent committed to the joke – body and all.  And then you’ve got to have a back up plan for recovery.  Study tapes of Johnny Carson – he was the master of what to do when the first joke goes flat.  Often his comebacks and reactions were funnier than the original line. 

Beyond that, look for the contradictions.  That’s where the humor is, and the punch lines.  Traditional humor is all about setting up expectations and then violating them, crossing the boundaries of expectation.  And finding connections where no one else sees them.  Good luck. 

Obama's 3rd Prime-Time Press Conference -- How did he do?

Saying he’s “pleased but not satisfied,” President Obama presided over his 3rd prime-time press conference last night, marking the first 100 days of his presidency (http://tinyurl.com/ceaerq).  I’ll leave the politics to others to dissect; how is he doing as a public speaker?

Overall, Obama continues to grow in mastery.  However, he’s a very different speaker in governing than he was campaigning.  Obama the campaigner was dynamic, uplifting, charismatic.  Obama the President is serious, thorough, thoughtful, authoritative, and even a little dull.  Clearly, for him, governing is serious business, and the days of the fun and adrenaline of the campaign are long gone.

How quickly he has settled into the role of President!  If the press conference is any indication, Obama is completely comfortable in the role.  His voice, posture, and gestures are indicative of a man who stepped into the Oval Office ready to govern.  His legal training and intelligence show in every answer.  Look at his answer to a question about Pakistan’s nuclear security:

I'm confident that we can make sure that Pakistan's nuclear arsenal is secure. Primarily, initially, because the Pakistani army, I think, recognizes the hazards of those weapons falling into the wrong hands. We've got strong military-to-military consultation and cooperation.

I am gravely concerned about the situation in Pakistan, not because I think that they're immediately going to be overrun and the Taliban would take over in Pakistan. I'm more concerned that the civilian government there right now is very fragile and don't seem to have the capacity to deliver basic services: schools, health care, rule of law, a judicial system that works for the majority of the people.

And so as a consequence, it is very difficult for them to gain the support and the loyalty of their people. So we need to help Pakistan help Pakistanis. And I think that there's a recognition increasingly on the part of both the civilian government there and the army that that is their biggest weakness.

Here, he manages both to reassure and yet warn the public and Pakistan at the same time.  It’s a careful, thoughtful answer that doesn’t leave much room for follow up questions – there are few chinks in his armor. 

Throughout the news conference, Obama ranges authoritatively over swine flu, world events, the economy, politics – everything that the press dishes out, Obama easily fields and responds to decisively.  In fact, compared to the last President, the balance of power with the press has shifted enormously.  Where Bush was combative, and occasionally flat-footed, Obama is confident and assured.  Even when Ed Henry tries to catch the President out on the difficult issue of abortion, Obama is more than equal to the task, giving a long, articulate, and carefully worded answer. 

This is a press that treats the new president with deference.  Obama is clearly the authority in the room. What he lacks in sparkle, he more than makes up in presidential heft. He is a master of the genre.

How to Get Ready to Speak: 3 Quick Tips

A speech is performance art.  Each time you speak, you are creating a live experiences for a new audience, and that raises a question:  how do you stay fresh for each occasion, and how do you prepare so that each occasion will be up to the same standard?

 

Speaking is at once head, heart, and body.  It has a lot of moving parts.  So here’s a quick program to carry out before each speech that will get you in peak form.

 

1. The Head.  Every speech has an intellectual ‘spine’ – the basic ideas that you’ll discuss during the course of the speech.  You should know what those are.  In order.  If you don’t, figure them out.  If you do, then run over those in your mind before your speech.  Think of it as the outline, and in an hour-long speech it shouldn’t consist of more than about 10 headings, give or take a few.  If you’re coming up with a lot more than that, you’re going into too much detail for this activity.  

 

This way, you’ll know the intellectual journey you’re taking the audience on and you’ll be more likely not to get lost.  If you know where you are, the audience will too. 

 

Finish this little activity by getting your first couple of lines in your head, so you don’t go blank when you first walk out on stage.  That’s a trick that actors use for opening night, and it helps get you through the beginning jitters.

 

2.  The Heart.  A speech is also an emotional journey, and you need to get that into your head (and gut) before you start, as well.  So spend a moment thinking to yourself, how do I feel about the material I’m discussing?  Excited?  Passionate?  Angry?  Try to experience that feeling, however you bring it to mind.  Recall a time when you felt that way strongly, or just focus on the feeling.  The point is to get into the emotional state you need so that you’ll make that clear to the audience when you begin.

 

3.  The Body.  Finally, you are a physical being delivering sounds in space to other physical beings, so pay attention to the state of your body.  If you’re nervous, that’s a good thing – that’s adrenaline helping you be on your best game.  It will help you think a little faster, stand a little straighter, act a little larger than life. 

 

But not too nervous.  If you’re quite jittery, or if the effects of adrenaline cause you to wander around the stage, or gesture like a windmill, or speak too fast for human ears to understand, then you need to practice some deep belly breathing before you start.  That will calm you, and if you practice it regularly, give you a consistent confidence over time.  Belly breathing starts, not surprisingly, in the belly.  You should expand your stomach like the bulb of an eye dropper as you take air into your lungs.  Hold the air with your diaphragmatic muscles (the ones just underneath your rib cage) and let it out slowly as you exhale.  Remember to breathe occasionally as you speak, too!

 

Paying attention to these 3 aspects of speaking just before you start will greatly increase the quality of your art.  Don’t neglect any of them; they work together to make up the performance art that is public speaking.  I talk more about this in my new book Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma.