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10 posts from December 2010

December 30, 2010

The Only Reason to Give A Speech in 2011

“The only reason to give a speech is to change the world.” An old friend of mine, a speechwriter, used to say that to me. He meant it as a challenge. It was his way of saying that, if you’re going to take all the trouble to prepare and deliver a speech, make it worthwhile. Change the world.

Otherwise, why bother? Preparing speeches, giving speeches, and listening to speeches—each of these activities is fraught with peril. The opportunities for failure are many, and for success correspondingly few. An oft-quoted study suggests that executives would rather die than speak. Of all their fears, public speaking is number one, and death comes much further down the list, just before nuclear war. That must explain why they often put off the task of preparing speeches to the last minute—or give the task to someone else.  

If speechmaking is hard work for presenters, it’s also hard work for their audiences. Most business presentations are dreadful—boring, platitudinous, and delivered with a compelling lack of enthusiasm. 

People don’t remember much of what they learn from speeches—something on the order of 10 to 30 percent. With some business talks I’ve attended, that failure rate must be close to 100 percent. How many presentations have you sat through where your mind started wandering a few minutes into the talk and never really came back? Where you surreptitiously picked up your smartphone and started planning your calendar for the next millennium or two? Where you ended up more familiar with the number of acoustic tiles in the ceiling than the number of points in the outline of the speech?

So why do we bother? We bother giving speeches because of the opportunities they offer presenters with passion and a cause. There is something profound about gathering a group of people together in a hall and giving them the full force of your ideas presented live and in person. There is something essential about the intellectual, emotional, and physical connections a good speaker can make with an audience, something that cannot happen on the printed page. There is something powerful about the chemistry that happens in the moment of contact that no other medium can reproduce.

It’s what I call the kinesthetic connection. It’s something I’ve observed in over 25 years of teaching and coaching public speaking. When it happens, it’s powerful. When it’s missing, everyone feels it—even the hapless speaker.

Why People Will Always Give Speeches

We still need speeches. We need them to move audiences to action. People may learn to believe in your expertise from the printed page. But they will only be moved to action if they come to trust you from hearing and seeing you offer a solution to a problem they have. That kind of trust is visceral as well as intellectual and emotional, and it only comes from presence.

From the audience’s point of view, we still need to validate our impulse to action by seeing our champions, to test the sense of their messages and the integrity of their beings. Partly, we’re reading their nonverbal messages, those gestures and habits that we learn to interpret unconsciously for the most part, the ones that tell us something about the credibility and courage of the presenter. Partly, we’re testing to see if they can structure and present their ideas coherently in real time, abilities that tell us about how articulate and organized they are. And partly, we’re watching to see if we can find some sense of common humanity in the speaker, in order to make common cause with that speaker’s passion.

When Roger Mudd asked Ted Kennedy, on 60 Minutes in 1980, why he wanted to be president, Senator Kennedy famously fumbled the answer. Millions of Americans watched Kennedy at close hand, thanks to the eye of the camera, and judged his incoherent, rambling answer to lack credibility. The campaign was over almost before it began. Kennedy had changed the world—not in the way he intended, perhaps, but inescapably and irretrievably nonetheless. Potential backers slunk away from the Kennedy camp. Potential workers joined other campaigns. Potential voters resolved to find another candidate. And all of that happened through the faux-familiarity of television. Imagine how much more devastating it would have been in person. 

Does changing the world seem like a daunting challenge? There’s good news buried in the challenge. With a powerful, audience-centered presentation, you can change the world. And that goes whether you’re talking to a small group of employees or colleagues—or a keynote audience of thousands. The principles are the same. 

And there’s more good news to come: Regardless of how good you are now, you can learn how to give a better speech, one that makes a kinesthetic connection with your listeners. One that creates a sense of trust in you and moves them to action.

You Need to Listen to Your Audience

At the heart of this connection lies a counterintuitive truth: the secret to forming a strong bond between you and the people in the audience is to listen to them—from the very beginning.

Wait a minute, you say. I’m the one that has to do the talking. How can I listen to them? And what do you mean by kinesthetic? You’ve already used that word twice.

The answers to these questions are related. Let’s take the easy one first. Kinesthetic means being aware of the position and movement of the body in space. And to listen to the audience, you need to listen (and to show you’re listening) with your whole body. To give a simple example, consider the nervous executive in front of the shareholders for an annual meeting. He has some less-than-spectacular numbers to report, and everyone knows it. He’s prepared for the worst. He begins his talk with a curt, “Good morning,” arms folded, staring tensely over the audience members’ heads, looking into the middle distance, trying not to acknowledge the anger he sees in front of him. He immediately launches into a defensive talk aimed at minimizing the damage and second-guessing what the audience might ask him.

Not a pretty picture. Contrast that with a different executive in a similar pickle. She knows the meeting is going to be tough, but she’s ready. She stands up in front of the shareholders, smiles, and asks, “How are you?” Her arms are comfortably open at her sides. And she waits for a couple of seconds, making eye contact with at least one of the audience members on the right hand side of the room. Then she asks, no longer smiling, raising her eyebrows to invite response, “Are you angry about last year’s numbers? [Pause. Looking at someone else, on the left, now.] You have every right to be. We’re as disappointed as you are. Let’s talk about them. What’s on your mind?”

Not many chief executives would have the guts, frankly, to take the second approach. But which company would you rather hold stock in?

The second executive is well on the way to giving an audience-centered speech. She’s going to find kinesthetic moments to connect with her audience, and she’s begun by actually listening to them—reading their entire range of responses, including the nonverbal—from the start.
Indeed, even in this simplified example, the key to success is in making those rhetorical questions real. When you ask, “How are you?” of an audience, wait to see how some members of that audience actually are. Don’t continue until you’ve learned the answer, either verbally or nonverbally. It’s a small but vital way to begin an audience-centered talk. Success in public speaking is made up of a myriad little moments of connection like that.

And one big thing: charisma. That’s the magic quality, isn’t it? The one that everyone craves. And yet charisma doesn’t come from doing something difficult or esoteric that it takes years to master (and lots of expensive advice from speech coaches like me). We know now, thanks to the communications research of the last thirty years, what charisma is. Quite simply, it’s focused expressiveness.

Expressiveness is the willingness to be open to your audience, both verbally and nonverbally. To show how you feel about your subject. To get past nervousness and self-consciousness and get to the stuff that you care about, and give that to the audience. That’s why they call it “giving a speech.” If you can unlock your own passion about the subject, and give that to the audience, in a focused way, you will be charismatic. The audience will not be able to take its eyes off you.   

And so we’re back to audience-centered speaking, and kinesthetics. The only reason to give a speech is to change the world. You accomplish that by moving your audience to action. To do that, you have to be willing to listen to the audience, and to give it your passion. To get to that happy state, you need to find kinesthetic connections with the audience.

That’s audience-centered speaking in a paragraph. It’s a simple as that.
   
And lest you think that when I say “changing the world” I’m only talking about the big speeches (the ones that CEOs give to shareholders, for example) understand that I’m talking about every speech ever given. These principles apply to all public speaking, whether to five thousand people or five, for a grand public occasion or simply a regular meeting to report on 3Q numbers. After all, if you give a brilliant, inspiring, audience-centered presentation about those 3Q numbers, you will change the attitudes of your team in the room with you. And if you change their attitudes, you just might change their behavior. And if you change their behavior, you’ve changed the world in the only way that counts. 

So that’s my wish for you in 2011:  that you’ll start changing the world with every speech or presentation you give. 
   

December 24, 2010

Free Book Excerpt - Trust Me

For my holiday blog, I'm giving you the first section of my most recent book, Trust Me, free. Enjoy and happy holidays!

Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma

Introduction

Every communication is two conversations: the verbal one — the content — and the nonverbal one — the body language.  If the two are aligned, you can be a persuasive, authentic communicator. You may even come across as charismatic.

If the two are not aligned, people believe the nonverbal communication every time — and you will not seem authentic, even if you’re just authentically nervous! People will believe that you’re faking, or hiding something, or not completely present.

Most of us tend to think of the first conversation, the content, as the important one. We worry a lot about what to say when we’re preparing for an important meeting, giving a big speech, or proposing marriage. And yet we rarely give as much thought to the second conversation: the body language.  Then when the communication doesn’t go well, we’re surprised and don’t understand why.

The reason is usually that our two conversations have been in conflict with one another. Our words were confident perhaps, but our body language — the second conversation —was nervous. And as research into how the brain works grows in depth and sophistication, we’re coming to understand that what I’m calling the second conversation is actually more important in some ways than the first one.

We’re still learning about the brain, but it is clear that our normal, everyday working model of it is a little outmoded. Most of us think that we’re relatively rational beings. We get a thought, we decide to act on it, we instruct our bodies to move, and they do. So, for example, we wake up in the morning and think, “I need a cup of coffee.”  Our brain then instructs our body to go to the kitchen, prepare the coffee, get the mug out of the kitchen cabinet, and drink ourselves into wakefulness.

But it doesn’t actually work that way much of the time.  We get nonverbal impulses for a lot of the important things that drive us: relationships, safety, emotional needs, fears, desires, meeting new people, seeing old friends, and so on.  Our bodies immediately start to act on these impulses, and then, a bit later, we form a conscious thought about what we’re doing.  It’s as though our rational minds are explaining to ourselves after the fact why we’re doing something.

That intent comes from somewhere deep in the brain, beneath where conscious thought originates. And that intent, coming perhaps from what some call the limbic brain, governs a good deal of our supposedly rational lives.

We are all unconscious experts in each other’s body language

We are all unconscious experts at reading other people’s body language. We learned this from a very early age, back when our lives depended on getting food, love, shelter, and dry diapers.

Nevertheless, few of us are good at reading body language consciously. Instead, we get impressions and ascribe intent to the other person. We think to ourselves, He doesn’t like me very much, or, She’s trying to cut me out, or, They really think I’m funny.  And it’s at this level of intent that most of our own body language begins.

If you put together this primacy of body language in many important areas of human concern, with our unconscious expertise at reading it, you get a paradox when you star to think about improving your abilities as a communicator.  Here’s the rub. If you start to think hard about your body language because you want to control it and make it align with your content so that you’re persuasive, authentic, and even charismatic, you run into a problem: you’re thinking consciously about an unconscious (preconscious thought) activity, which slows your body language down and makes it happen just a bit late.

The people around you, those unconscious experts, sense that something is wrong, but they can’t put their fingers on the problem precisely. They’ll think something like, He didn’t seem real, or, She looked fake — scripted or something.  They won’t tell you the real problem — that your gestures and content are out of sync — because they’re not consciously aware of what’s going on.

It needs to go like this: intent gesture thought words.  If you try to control your body language at the level of conscious thought, it will come out like this: thought words gesture.  And it will look all wrong.

That’s a problem for any leader who knows that she has to communicate effectively on good days and bad, nervous or not, and prepared or not, and can’t afford to show up looking inauthentic because she’s thinking too hard about trying to appear real.

The problem comes when you make the unconscious conscious

The leader’s behavior is also a problem for coaches, like me, who are expert at watching body language and want to advise you, “Don’t cross your arms at that point in your presentation, because it will look defensive at a moment when you’re talking about being open.”  If we coach you at the level of specific gestures, you’ll make them conscious, they’ll happen too slowly and out of sync with your thoughts, and you’ll look fake.

As I’ve coached people over the years, my clients and I have wrestled with this problem. The solution has been to practice over and over again until the coordination of word and gesture becomes second nature, or almost.  But thanks to recent brain research and my own continuing efforts to make teaching the two conversations as simple as possible, we can now resolve the paradox with another one.

This change will greatly speed up the work of turning you into a powerful, persuasive, authentic, charismatic communicator, whether you’re having a one-on-one meeting, engaging in a board-level discussion, or giving a speech to a thousand employees.

We are going to accomplish all this by having you work at the level of intent.  The paradox is that you’re going to be thinking both hard and consciously, but you’ll resolve the problem by learning how to keep the work at an emotional level, like actors preparing for a role. This way, you’ll be as close to the unconscious mind as possible, even though you are consciously thinking about your communication issues.

I have developed four steps, from simple to more complex, that you can take in order to learn to communicate authentically and charismatically.  If you practice these four steps as intuitively as possible, without being too conscious about what you are doing, you’ll find yourself easily resolving communications issues that may have bedeviled you for years.

In addition, for those who want more detailed instruction, I lay out a series of principles of persuasive communication for both the content conversation and the gesture conversation.  Take these as guidelines to use as they are appropriate.  Different ones apply more powerfully at different times, and you can practice one and then another as you progress to become a more effective communicator.

Over and over again as I have worked with clients while developing this method, I have seen profound transformations happen quickly, even in a couple of hours. Introverted, ineffective communicators have learned to open up and take the stage with confidence and enthusiasm. It’s exciting to watch and will work for you too.

The key is not to intellectualize too much the work you’re going to do. Once you get the hang of it, it will seem easy.  So take a deep breath, and jump in.  Authenticity and charisma await you.

December 16, 2010

The Public Words 2010 Top 10 Holiday Gift Guide for Public Speakers

What do you get that public speaking family member or friend?  Following (in no particular order) are 10 suggestions for anyone who speaks, presents, or just worries a lot about speaking in public.

1. Note cards for thanking meeting planners

If you speak professionally, meeting planners are your customers, your lifelines, your best friends.  Their on-the-ground knowledge can save you from embarrassment and worse.  Much worse.  So thank them with a personal note when they help you get through that speech without incident.

2. Pictures of loved ones for focusing before a speech

Your loved ones are the reason that you leave home, stay in indifferent hotels, and answer questions from cranky audience members.  So give that public speaker a portable set of pictures so that she can focus on it just before a speech to crank up the energy and emotion.  The result will be better speeches and stronger families.

3. A year of Improv lessons

Great speakers are able to focus in the moment on the audience and the message – not themselves.  They don’t get distracted by extraneous things like wondering if one’s fly is zipped up or if there’s spinach on one’s teeth.  And nothing improves a speaker’s ability to focus on that all-important moment like a year of Improv lessons.  Improv is hard to do, very hard, but you don’t have to become an expert to benefit from the increased ability to be present on stage.   And once you’ve done Improv in front of an audience, public speaking will seem comparatively easy work.

4. A photo shoot

Those headshots are out of date, face it.  And the temptation to do it on the cheap and get your kid to take some shots in the living room with a point-and-shoot will yield cheap-looking shots.  Give your speaker the gift of a professional photographer and get it done right.

5. A pen for signing books

If you’re going to sustain a paid public speaking career, or if you simply want something of yours in the Library of Congress, you’re going to have to write a book.  Your loved ones can’t give you the book already written, but they can give you a pen to sign them for adoring fans.  And that should at least help you focus on the end goal.  You might even write the book with that pen.

6. A lucky tie or pin

Many speakers are superstitious, and once a speech goes right, and you’re wearing a certain tie or pin, you want to wear it every time thereafter.  More importantly, that suit that makes you look and feel great will help you deliver a great speech.  People stand more confidently when they’re in clothing that fits well and looks good.  So spring for a fabulous suit for your public speaker – or at least a great-looking tie or pin.

7. Best book from 2010 for public speakers

Since I can’t nominate my own books, I’m going to propose Nancy Duarte’s Resonate as a great read for public speakers.  The book is full of tips and suggestions for creating wonderful speeches.  Don’t stand up and speak without reading it first.

8. Flip cam to record speeches

The best way to improve your craft as a speaker – besides hiring a coach like me – is to record yourself speaking and then review the tape thoughtfully and honestly.  Flip cams make it easy and inexpensive to do so – no more excuses!

9. iPad and apps

Many speakers are wed to their (clunky) laptops; the iPad gives you a stylish, lightweight alternative.  And there are a number of apps that will allow you to show slides, take notes, and use the iPad as a teleprompter-like device.  (I’ll evaluate them in another blog later on.)  All very cool and up to date.   Bring your public speaker into the 21st century with this ultimate gift of the latest technology.

10. Travel medical pack

Speakers live in fear of colds, flu, and other diseases that seem so easy to pick up while traveling – from that person sitting next to you on the plane, or that audience member who insists on shaking your hand despite holding a wad of tissue.  So give them all the throat lozenges, ibuprofen and decongestant you can pack into a travel-size case.  And throw in a love note or two while you’re at it; your public speaker misses you when she’s on the road.

What gifts have you thought of for that favorite public speaker in your family or group of friends?  Let me know and we’ll get the word out before Christmas

December 14, 2010

Inspirational Speakers, Inspirational Stories - 10 - William Ury

William Ury is one of my heroes.  He co-wrote, with Roger Fisher, what is still the best book on negotiation, Getting to Yes.  And he has been negotiating in tough spots around the world for nearly 4 decades, from Russia to the Middle East, from Africa to Asia, and from the boardroom to the shop floor.  When there seem to be only 2 sides to an argument, and they are deeply opposed, Ury is dedicated to finding a third way.  Most recently, he has helped started a grass-roots movement to bring peace to the Middle East, by walking in 'Abraham's path', and finding the common story that just might bring all those warring peoples together.  He talks about this quest in the video clip below. 

He's not a charismatic speaker, but he's a thoughtful, enlightening, competent one.  And his story -- and cause -- is certainly inspirational.  His opening anecdote, about 17 camels and 3 brothers, is one that everyone who will ever get involved in any kind of negotiation should know. 

As such, he's a fitting speaker to round out this series on inspirational speakers and stories.  With thanks to Patrick Burns for sending me the link to this video.  Enjoy!

 

 

December 13, 2010

Inspirational Speakers, Inspirational Stories - 9 - Taylor Mali

Have you ever been inspired by a teacher?  The combination of care and passion, discipline and creativity, openness and focus in the right teacher changes your life and opens you up to new possibilities.  That's a rare gift, and for the 9th in the series of inspirational speakers, I'm celebrating Taylor Mali, who puts it all on the line in a poem that gives us the teacher's point of view -- unforgettably.  I'm dedicating this blog to Mrs. Mahoney, Mr. Pye, Miss Lord, and Professor Edgar Shannon, all of whom inspired and nurtured me.  Thank you.  And thanks to Terry Lavelle, who sent me the link. 

 

December 09, 2010

Inspirational Speakers, Inspirational Stories - 8 - Melissa Etheridge

I'm continuing my series of blogs on inspirational speakers with inspirational stories.  Let's see if we can lift everyone's spirits during this holiday season by sharing some inspiration! 

Thanks to those who've sent suggestions.  I've received a number that are fantastic -- stay tuned and keep 'em coming!  No politics please - of course there are many great political speakers, but they're too divisive.

I'm stretching the category a little with this entry:  Melissa Etheridge, who after all sings her piece.  But if you didn't see her performance of "Piece of my Heart," during a tribute to Janis Joplin (with Joss Stone) at the Grammys a couple of years back, you missed one of the most inspirational musical performances in memory.  Why?  Melissa was undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer at the time, and wasn't even sure that she would be able to perform, let alone pour her heart into the song as she did.

The clip opens with Joss Stone, and she's very good, but when Melissa hits the stage, you witness courage and heart personified.  Enjoy!

  

 

December 08, 2010

Inspirational Speakers, Inspirational Stories - 7 - Henry V

Of course the best all-time inspirational speech for moments when the odds seem long and the soldiers weary was penned by Shakespeare and put in the mouth of Henry V -- the "Saint Crispin's Day speech."  Henry rallies his troops before battle with the French, who outnumbered them 5 to 1, telling them that if they all died, why then that was a sufficient number of English dead.  And if they triumphed and lived, then who would want to share the glory beyond "we few, we happy few, we band of brothers."  It's a wonderful moment of bravado and charisma, and Kenneth Branagh gives it a good reading here.  Enjoy!

 

 

December 07, 2010

Inspirational Speakers, Inspirational Stories - 6 - Coach John Wooden

UCLA basketball coach John Wooden touched many lives and inspired many a player.  He lived to be 100, and here he is speaking near the end of his life on some of his values and precepts for living.  His extraordinary simplicity and charm will stay with you as long as his wisdom.  In an era of complexity, it's sometimes good to stand back and remember how simple and clear life really is when you keep your values straight and remember to pass first, shoot second.   Enjoy!

 

 

December 06, 2010

Inspirational Speakers, Inspirational Stories - 5 - Dalton Sherman

Continuing with my inspirational speakers and their stories in honor of the holiday season, I'm posting a simply extraordinary performance by a 10-year-old speaker, Dalton Sherman.  If you've ever been nervous before speaking, then take a lesson from Dalton, who steps ups to an arena full of teachers and more than holds his own.  Dalton has all the moves, and all the body language, of a motivational speaker 4 times his age.  He's the answer to all those speakers who say they remember being humiliated in the 6th grade.  This is his 6th (or 5th) grade moment, and I have to say it's a triumph.  Enjoy!

Please send me your own favorite inspirational speakers and I'll post them here.

 

 

 

 

December 01, 2010

Inspirational Speakers, Inspirational Stories - 4 - Jill Bolte Taylor

I'm continuing my series of blogs on inspirational speakers with inspirational stories.  It's the season, and anyway the world seems to be in a dark mood.  Let's see if we can lift the spirits by sharing some inspiration!  Please send me your most inspirational videos and I'll post the best ones.  No politics please - of course there are many great political speakers, but they're too divisive.

My fourth inspirational speaker is Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist who had a stroke, survived the experience, and talks about it in a way that is unique and uniquely moving and inspiring.  Taylor has the great ability to take a potentially tragic event and find the humor in it -- without ducking any of the tougher realities of the situation.  Listen to her extraordinary speech on what it feels like to have a stroke -- and move beyond it -- with openness, courage, and grace.