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16 posts from February 2010

February 26, 2010

Current Speakers and their Books – V: Chip and Dan Heath

Chip and Dan Heath have written two highly successful books:  Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Thrive and Others Die, and Switch:  How to Change Things When Change Is Hard.  The first, Made to Stick, took Robert Cialdini’s ideas from his classic book Influence and made them more accessible.  The second, Switch, creates a very simple framework for accomplishing change:

  • Direct the Rider (provide clear directions for our rational sides),
  • Motivate the Elephant (engage our emotions), and
  • Shape the Path (make change easier by changing the situation in key ways).

I worked at a couple of management consulting firms that focused on change in the mid-90s, and I can tell you that these ideas were old hat then – but not usually so clearly or simply expressed.

Plainly, the Heath brothers are gifted packagers and storytellers.  You can see them both speaking here: http://bit.ly/Uh2A0 and Dan speaking in a longer excerpt here: http://bit.ly/qlYLl.

What you’ll see in Dan (at least) is a very engaging, relaxed speaker who’s quite good at holding an audience – even after lunch.  He’s a natural teacher, at ease with asking his audience to take a short test and throwing his listeners lots of questions to keep them engaged.

While I have some reservations about the originality of their thinking, I have no reservations in recommending both the books and the speakers for entertaining, concise, and practical summations of some very important ideas.

February 25, 2010

Chris Brogan on 'Give Your Speech, Change the World'

For my blog today, I'm pointing to Chris Brogan's site:  http://www.chrisbrogan.com/.  He just posted a wonderful video blog on Give Your Speech, Change the World.  Enjoy, and thanks, Chris!

February 24, 2010

Current Speakers and their Books – IV: Daniel Pink

Dan Pink doesn’t think much of the traditional workplace, and he’s written several books to prove it.  In Free Agent Nation, A Whole New Mind, and now Drive, not to mention The Adventures of Johnny Bunko, Pink argues for new ways of working, ways that are creative, unstructured, and that offer non-traditional rewards.  Drive in particular argues that for all sorts of jobs – except the most mundane – autonomy, mastery, and purpose are more important motivators that the usual carrots and sticks. 

Pink was Al Gore’s speechwriter before he became a free-agent, right-brained, intrinsically motivated writer and advice dispenser.  Oddly, his speaking style is reminiscent of Gore’s – but in a good way.  You can see him giving a TED.com talk here on motivation:  http://bit.ly/nzmRH

He holds himself a little too stiffly and rigidly, like Gore, and some of his mannerisms are Gore’s.  But he’s got tons of energy, making big gestures and getting worked up on a regular basis throughout the talk, so you’re never in danger of nodding off.  If I were coaching him, I’d get him to think about having more of a conversation with the audience, rather than feeling like he’s a preacher holding forth on a Sunday.  Again, that attitude is a bit like Gore’s.

Pink has a real gift for explaining scientific research with clarity and verve; his books read quickly and are very good at making their cases.  (Pink trained as a lawyer.)  It’s only afterward that you ask yourself, hang on a minute, it’s not quite as clear-cut as that – but by then the talk, and the author, have moved on.

I recommend Pink highly as a very thought-provoking author and speaker.  You won’t be bored, and you will think about his topic in a new way.

February 22, 2010

Current Speakers and their Books – III: Seth Godin

Anyone with any interest in business books is already aware of Seth Godin’s latest book, Linchpin.  That’s because Seth is a phenomenal marketer, and he has a gift for putting one vital idea at a time simply and provocatively.  His earlier books include Purple Cow and Tribes, and they are similar in the sense that each contains one idea, phrased forcefully and memorably. 

In Linchpin, Seth argues that we’re all artists, or at least those of us who want to be indispensable and not just average workers in average factories.  And by the way, those average jobs in average factories are going away and never coming back, so you’d better think about becoming an artist.  Seth indicts the whole ‘scam’ as he calls it of factory worker jobs, whether those are white or blue collar, so I don’t think he’s particular sorry that they’re going away. 

In Seth’s view, an artist is someone who is passionate about creating something.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be a traditional work art – it could be a customer experience, a way of looking at rental cars, a bagel. 

You can see Seth talking about tribes and other things here: http://bit.ly/XJVL0.

As a speaker, Seth is funny and insightful.  I recommend both the new book and the speaker highly.   

February 18, 2010

Current Speakers and their Books – II: Sally Hogshead

It’s an ADD world, information-saturated, and 24/7 – this everyone knows.  Sally Hogshead has figured out what anyone wanting some attention can do about the short attention span of our fellow humans.  In a word, what you have to do is fascinate your species.  Sally’s new book is called Fascinate:  Your 7 Triggers to Persuasion and Captivation, and it’s the user manual for our era.  Anyone wishing to be more than ignored by friends, family, potential mates, and of course the business world should read this book. 

Sally identifies the 7 triggers that capture our attention.  They’re not surprising, but they certainly feel like the right ones:  lust, mystique, vice, trust, alarm, prestige, and power.  She takes us through a travelogue of modern society, pointing out the brands, the things, the people, and the events that trigger these triggers in us, and relates them back to our evolution as a species needing to eat, be safe, and procreate.

Her speech on this subject is fascinating in itself.  Here's a snippet:  http://tinyurl.com/y9hatpa But it would have to be, wouldn’t it?  Still, any speech that involves a Jagermeister tasting qualifies as interesting in my book.  More than that, you learn why we smile, why the DARE program encourages drug use in teens rather than discourages it, and what Sally was doing trying on some of the world’s most expensive jewelry at Harry Winston’s in New York city. 

It’s all fascinating, and both the book and the speech are worth catching.  Sally’s perspective comes originally from the advertising and branding world, not surprisingly, but her insights are relevant to a far wider world.  

February 17, 2010

Current speakers and their books – I: David Meerman Scott

For my next blog series, I’m celebrating some top speakers who have recent books.  I’m beginning with David Meerman Scott, who has just updated his 2007 bestseller, The New Rules of Marketing and PR (http://tinyurl.com/yjpkd3k).  A lot has happened in the last 2 and a half years in social media – Facebook, Twitter and Ashton Kutcher, to name a few – and the good news is that David gets virtually all of the new developments in this second edition. 

What I like about David’s book is that he manages to address the novice and the knowledgeable alike without talking down to anyone.  If you’re a social media maven, but you have a dark secret, like, you really don’t understand Digg, then this book will allow you to catch up without feeling stupid.  And if you’re a novice to Twitter or Facebook or Linkedin, David explains the basics without condescending to you. 

It’s his infectious passion for what you can do online that makes the book fun to read, and David a great speaker to watch.  Catch him here talking about speaking:  http://tinyurl.com/yd2unbl.

The good news is that he packs a lot of learning into his speech while entertaining at the same time.  His speech, like his book, is full of stories, and they stick in your mind.  Want to understand how you could talk up your conference without spending millions on advertising – which might not be seen by the right people?  Check out the way the First Annual Singapore Tattoo Show got the word out.  It’s memorable, and it’s typical of the stories in the book and speech. 

If you’re wondering what social media is all about, or you’ve been thinking about starting a blog and you wonder how you can justify it to your company, or you’ve got an ad budget and you’re wondering if TV is still the way to go – then read the book or hire David to speak.  You’ll be glad you did. 

February 16, 2010

Basic principles of persuasive rhetoric – 7

Principle VII: Authenticity and charisma in content require self-revelation in this confessional age.

Being willing to confess something, even if it’s small, is table stakes in this age, surrounded as we are by the no-holds-barred, tell-all, celebrity-infatuated media, which constantly dish up the most intimate details of the lives, real or imagined, of these people and organizations. Our culture is obsessed with being in the know, whether it’s the inner workings of the West Wing, or the movie sound stage, or backstage with the stars.

Secrets have shorter and shorter half-lives and higher and higher value until the moment they’re revealed. The safest leaders are the fully transparent ones, but of course leadership requires difficult choices in gray areas of the law, policy, and ethics, so the need for secrets has not gone away. They’re just much harder to keep than they were even a decade ago.

One lesson that has been impossible for organizations to learn in spite of overwhelming evidence is that when a secret is discovered, the only possible response for a public entity is full disclosure. We have seen over and over again the perils of not coming clean. The cover-up inevitably leads to far worse damage than the initial revelation. And yet every organization caught in the media headlights seems determined to learn the lesson once again the hard way. Take the sad example of Toyota, whose hard-earned reputation for quality was unmatched in the automotive world – and developed over many years. That reputation was lost – or at least sorely damaged – in a few weeks as the company dragged its feet over the recent recalls and appeared to care more about itself than its customers. It will be years winning it back.

If you’re caught, confess. As painful as that is, it’s much easier in the long run than the alternative.

What does this mean for public speakers? Two things. First of all, come armed with confessions. It’s expected, and you don’t want to disappoint your audience. Second, don’t stop there. Tell us what you’re going to do about it. We expect confession, but we respect action. The rehabilitation story has a certain, well-defined plot, and it leads to a new life.

February 15, 2010

Basic Principles of Persuasive Rhetoric – 6

Principle VI: Persuasive communication cuts through the clutter of information overload by dealing with safety issues.

Turn Maslow’s hierarchy of needs upside down in your mind. Maslow said that we take care of our needs in order, from the most basic to the more refined. So, we take care of physiological needs first — food and shelter, say — before we worry about love, esteem, or self - actualization. Maslow looked ahead to a society where all our basic needs were taken care of and we could focus on self-actualization.

Nice, but we’ve got a ways to go. Until that halcyon day, imagine a hierarchy of communications as an inverted Maslow’s hierarchy. Which would you pay attention to first: a communication about your personal safety, or one about the metaphorical meaning of hands in Dickens’s Great Expectations? One certain way to get attention is to shout “Fire!” in a crowded theater. The lower a message or communication is on Maslow’s hierarchy, the more it grabs your attention, viscerally.

You’ll see this in your speaking when you hit upon a topic that affects an audience powerfully, at the gut level. Perhaps you’re talking about jobs, or threats to the business in the marketplace, or layoffs. Your audience will lean forward in its chairs, sit up, open its eyes, and so on – all signs that it’s paying close attention because an issue important to it is on the table.

So, to ensure that you’re heard, you must figure out a way to make your communications about the safety of your audience in organizational (or business) terms. That’s not as hard as it sounds. Most issues ultimately boil down to safety, properly phrased, or they’re not worth worrying about.

The exception to this rule is the audience that has satisfied all the issues lower down on the hierarchy and can afford to pay attention to self-actualization. It’s just not often you find such audiences. The billionaires’ club, perhaps, is one. And even then, if a safety issue arises, it will trump your lesser (because higher up the pyramid) concern.

Messages that we perceive affect our personal (or organizational) safety are inherently interesting to us. Your goal is as a communicator is to find the safety message within your speech in order to present that to your audience. Anything less important is wasting everyone’s time.

February 11, 2010

Principles of persuasive rhetoric – 5

Principle V: Persuasive rhetoric passes the test of four critical questions: Is it articulate? Is there a real alternative? Is the idea consequential? Do the words shock but not surprise?

Is it articulate? When you’re on the receiving end of rhetoric, listen closely for clarity. Articulateness is not only a virtue; it is also usually a sign of clarity of thought. The reverse is also true: if the communication isn’t clear to you, it probably isn’t clear to the sender. That’s the time to demand rephrasing or to work with the communicator to figure out what’s really being said.

Is there a real alternative? It’s always useful to ask yourself, when someone is putting forth an idea, whether there’s an alternative. If a politician says, for example, that he supports our troops, ask yourself, What’s the alternative? Could a politician say, “I don’t support the troops”? Obviously not. If that’s the case, then there is no real idea behind the rhetoric. It’s only grandstanding. This is a good test to apply to your own communications as well.

Is the idea consequential? Check the consequentiality of the idea. Does it amount to anything, or is it a tiny idea? Your time is valuable; don’t waste it rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Does the idea shock but not surprise? A persuasive communication may shock us, but it shouldn’t surprise us. Indeed, good communication does need to shock, because otherwise it won’t get any attention in this information-saturated era. Beyond that, we should be able to recognize the fundamental truth of it. Things that are both shocking and surprising are truly rare. When Luke learns that Darth Vader is his father, the audience is shocked but not surprised. Some part of us recognizes that it’s in some sense inevitable and logical. Of course Darth Vader is Luke’s father. That’s why the Force is so strong within him. In your own communications, feel free to shock people, but try not to surprise them in this sense of the word.

Apply these four questions to any communication and you will quickly learn how significant it is, and how authentic.

February 10, 2010

Basic Principles of Persuasive Rhetoric – 4

Principle IV: Persuasive rhetoric deals in stories, facts, and tropes

Stories, facts, and tropes are your tools for building effective, emotionally convincing communications. Used properly — stories liberally, facts carefully, and tropes sparingly — they will give your communications zest, interest, and charisma. Failure to use them will result in communications no one else wants to listen to.

I begin with stories. There are five basic stories in Western culture: the quest, the love story, the revenge story, the rags-to-riches story, and stranger in a strange land.

The first and most important is the quest. We all understand and love quests. If you can suggest to your listeners that you are on a quest together, the odds that they will enthusiastically join you rise greatly. There are many situations in the business world that lend themselves easily to a good quest story. Business start-ups, new product launches, sales goals — indeed most of what businesspeople do — can all become quests.

The second most popular and effective story in our culture is the love story. How do you apply this venerable tale to your communications? Whenever it’s about two people, or groups, or companies, or organizations, or nation-states getting together, it can be a love story. We all recognize this instinctively in the language we use to describe such linkages. We say the United States is “wooing” North Korea, for example, or the company “seduced” a new employee with great benefits, a high salary, and a really sexy car.

In the revenge story, the hero is wronged and usually suffers for most of the plot trying to get a bit of his or her own back. Revenge, by killing, swindling, or ridiculing the enemy, usually comes after our hero has suffered a lot for a long time. We love good revenge stories because they help us believe that the world is in fact a just place despite nearly overwhelming, constant evidence to the contrary.

In a rags-to-riches story, the hero starts out poor; finds help along the way in the form of a magic bean, a flying carpet, or a rich uncle; and ends up rising to the occasion and the new style and driving a Porsche with the best of them. You can use rags-to-riches stories in persuading people to join entrepreneurial ventures. These stories work well because the underlying message is that even ordinary people will win out. It’s the triumph of the nerds, the un-athletic, and the unremarkable.

Finally, my own favorite story is the stranger in a strange land. Here, a hero finds herself dropped into an unfamiliar terrain, or country, or place, and the goal is to become expert in the custom, land, or language in order to survive. The story is widely applicable in business situations, political campaigns, and social change campaigns. Barack Obama used his own stranger in a strange land story extensively during his presidential campaign.

These stories are important in all kinds of communications because they are recognizable, they quickly enlist people to your point of view, and they carry a good deal of emotional freight with them. Facts come a distant second to stories in our memory hall of fame, but they can be powerful if used carefully.

Sprinkle the conversation with a fact here or there, and you can clinch a deal, settle an argument, or end a debate. But I once heard a speaker (and he was speaking off the cuff) say, “There are seventeen reasons as to why that approach won’t work.” Those of us in the audience held our collective breath while he ticked off the seventeen reasons. It was amazing; he got through all of them. Of course, none of us paid any attention to what he was actually saying. We were just listening spellbound to the numbers rolling by. And we had written him off as some sort of freak long before he got to the end. One or two telling facts can be powerfully persuasive. More facts are not.

Tropes are the final arrows in your rhetorical quiver. They are the rhetorical devices that people notice most quickly, such as metaphors and similes. A little rhetoric goes a long way. If you use a striking metaphor or if you say, as President Kennedy did, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country,” the results can be profound. But there’s a delicate line between that and rhetorical excess, which is immediately suspect in the average person’s mind. William Safire once wrote a line for the late Vice President Spiro Agnew to say to describe liberals: “nattering nabobs of negativism.” That was too much of a good thing.

If you extend the metaphor beyond a sentence or two, you will sound ridiculous. Or if you launch into a blizzard of syllepsis, synecdoche, and zeugma, even if your audience could not begin to identify the trope by its name, they will recognize that rhetoric is being practiced on them and react with derision or disdain.

It’s important to understand nonetheless the power of tropes in framing and reframing a discussion. If a politician on the stump replies to an accusation by saying, “Well, that’s the pot calling the kettle black,” even as tired a cliché as that immediately puts the other party on the defensive because suddenly both candidates’ misdeeds are on the table. The use of the metaphor in that situation turns the tables in the discussion. Rhetoric is power.

February 09, 2010

Basic principles of persuasive rhetoric – 3

Principle III: Persuasive rhetoric deals with problems and solutions.

Think of a communication — whether a formal meeting, a one-on-one discussion about some issue the business faces, a speech, or a chance get-together in the hall — as a twofold exercise. The first step is to get agreement about a need, a problem, or an issue that you have in common. The second step is to explore solutions together. It’s that simple: problem first, then solution.

Thinking in these terms will help you structure your informal comments in conversations, meetings, and off-the-cuff remarks. You’ll get a reputation as a clear thinker and a persuasive communicator if you follow this simple rule.

But too often people get impatient. They see the answer they want to achieve or support, and they jump to that point without taking their listener along with them. The result is resistance when they could have had agreement leading to action.

Here’s the important point: you can’t expect the other half of a communication to go along with you unless you take them on the same journey that you have taken (leading to a decision, a feeling, a point of view, an action). That means starting with the relevant inputs — the problem — and then finding a solution.

That doesn’t necessarily mean taking them on the same historical journey that you went on. That’s not always appropriate, and it’s usually not interesting. Keep in mind that you must have the other communicators’ perspectives in mind. What’s important, interesting, and relevant to them in the journey that you want to take them on? Once you understand that perspective, you’re ready to communicate.

February 08, 2010

Basic Principles of Persuasive Rhetoric – 2

Principle II: Persuasive rhetoric has a clear goal in mind and is usually transparent about it.

When you negotiate, you have a BATNA (the best alternative to a negotiated agreement): the minimum that you’ve decided you must achieve or you walk away. The same should be true in communications.

Is the meeting you’re calling with an important client to do some specific business or just to keep the connection strong? Let the other party know, so that there are no broken hearts along the way. If the agenda hasn’t been set beforehand, get agreement on it in the first few minutes of the meeting before hard feelings set in because of misunderstandings.

The idea is to get straight in your own mind what you want to cover before you communicate. Then be open with your partner or partners.

Of course, there are times when prudence or tact, or both, demands that you be less transparent. In some high-stakes negotiations, it won’t do to let the other side know your BATNA or even some lesser goals of the negotiations. There’s merit in keeping secrets.

Similarly, in delicate communications between friends, lovers, spouses, and others with whom you are in close relationships, there are times when transparency is not kind or helpful. In the long run, though, the absence of transparency is fatal to any close relationship.

What you’ll find, if you do the work of getting clear about your goal for a particular communication before you start, is that your own position will become much stronger, your attention more focused, and your time better spent.  In addition, your clarity will help the other party.

Our era – as is frequently noted – is one of instant, rapid-fire, short-attention-span, information-overload communications. That has taken its toll on elegance, logic, and consistency, as we all seem to have the stick-to-it-iveness of goldfish. But there is no reason why we should fail to set simple goals before we communicate. In this era, there is more reason than ever for clarity.

February 04, 2010

Basic Principles of Persuasive Rhetoric – 1

Principle I:  Persuasive rhetoric is about phrasing your arguments so that your listeners can hear them. 

I’m going to do a series of blogs on persuasive content – aka rhetoric – to match the series I just finished on nonverbal communication. 

I have seen good speakers – and speeches – go bad time and time again because a well-intentioned person or a good idea didn’t meet the audience halfway.  If you want to connect with someone, or some group, you have to do your homework and learn how that person or group communicates.  In short, you need to speak the language of your audience. 

Most of us honor this principle in theory and fall down in practice.  We fail to research the event, the group, the audience well enough, and we don’t understand what their issues are thoroughly enough.  Then, when we try to speak to them, we misfire because we’re not armed with the right information. 

More than that, we insist on talking about that information as it presents itself to us, not to the audience.  If you ever find yourself telling an audience, “Let me begin with a brief discussion of how this idea came about,” stop.  The history of your thinking is not interesting to an audience, period.  

What is interesting to audiences is how your information can solve their problems.  So ask yourself, what is the problem that the audience has for which my information is the solution?  That’s where you should start presenting. 

When Steve Jobs introduced the new Apple iPad, he didn’t talk about the history of the development of the device.  Think about it.  That’s what most speakers would do.  “This began as a gleam in our eyes 5 years ago.  I was talking to Jim and I said....”  Instead, Jobs goes right into what the audience is going to get out of it.  He says, “What this thing does is extraordinary.  It’s the best browsing experience you’ve ever had, way better than a laptop, way better than a smart phone.” 

If you’ve got a speech to give, go through it with an honest, self-critical eye and ask, is this about me and my thinking, or is it presented in the audience’s terms?  That’s the start of good presenting. 

 

 

February 03, 2010

Basic principles of nonverbal communication – 10

Principle X: Authenticity and charisma derive from becoming open, connected, passionate and listening with and to your audience.

Authenticity comes from aligning your content – the things you say – with your nonverbal communication – your body language.  Another way of saying it is that you have to align your emotions and your message.  In the end, it’s a matter of believing what you say and saying what you believe.  The alternative is to pretend, and most of us are not very good actors.  The few that have that skill are already living in Hollywood and making millions.

Charisma comes from developing this congruity of the verbal and the nonverbal through the four critical aspects of communicating with an audience of one or one thousand: openness, connection, passion, and listening. The last two steps especially contribute to presence and charisma. Each of these is a separate discipline, and they all have to be layered, one on top of the other, in order to achieve true charisma.

Without openness from you, your audiences won’t allow you even to engage them. With openness, they will let you in. Without some effort at connection with your audiences, they won’t hear you over the roar of the other messages they are constantly receiving. With connection, you can cut through the information overload.

Without passion, you will fail to be remembered. With passion, you can make an impression. And without listening in this democratic age, audiences will reject you as ultimately not engaged with them. When you listen, you can achieve the kind of charisma and authenticity that will mark you as a rare communicator, the kind that audiences will walk through fire to support and for whom they will sacrifice their time and attention gladly.

In Trust Me: Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma, I talk about the layering process, working through the four steps, in more detail.  At each step you need to find the emotional truth of what you’re presenting, focus on that, and work on bringing it to the fore.  To be able to open, for example, you have to believe that you have something worthwhile to share.  Done wrong, communication is a vicious circle where both parties close down, fail to connect, and no lasting message gets through.  Done right, communication is a virtuous circle of openness leading to connection leading to more openness to yet more connection, where passion is the currency and listening is the reward – in both directions.

February 02, 2010

Basic Principles of Nonverbal Communication – 9

Principle IX: To be perceived as an authentic public person, you must align your nonverbal and verbal ‘conversations’. This means aligning your emotional intent with your conscious thought.

Most of us in the work world spend a good deal of our time saying one thing and doing another. By that I mean our body language is at variance with our overt verbal messages. We’re in a meeting, say, and it has been going on for an hour, and lunch is approaching, and what are we doing? We’re trying our best to conceal our signs of impatience and boredom.

Or, we’re standing up to speak and doing our best to conceal our natural signs of nervousness. Or, we’re having a bad day and someone asks, ‘How are you?’ and we say ‘Fine’, smiling anyway.

We don’t do these things because we’re bad people; quite the contrary, in fact.  We’re driven by a desire to help the group of which we are a part.  The social demands of the workplace cause us to attempt to appear more focused, more involved, and more enthusiastic at any given moment than we actually may be.

Most of the time, the stakes are low enough that our little white nonverbal (and verbal) lies either go undetected or get forgiven.

But occasionally, when the stakes are high, and everyone’s watching, it suddenly becomes important to have strong alignment between your content and body language.  It’s a crucial meeting, upon which big decisions and lots of money depend, for instance, or a critical speech, upon which the future depends.

Then, you need to focus clearly on your emotional intent.  You need to align your words with that emotional intent.  And you need to stay in that state of heightened emotional awareness for the duration.

Here’s the catch.  It takes practice to pull off that alignment and heightened awareness.  Actors and Buddhists call it being ‘present’ and if you spend most of your day unaligned, it’s very difficult to snap into a state of full presence and alignment all at once for that important meeting or speech.

So instead, to be successful, authentic, and charismatic, you need to practice that emotional alignment and presence daily.  Don’t settle for little white nonverbal and verbal lies.  Tell the truth.  Start to become more aware of your emotions from moment to moment, and learn to share them in appropriate ways – and a sense of humor – with the people around you.  The results will surprise you:  people will be drawn to you, your charisma will increase, and you will find yourself enjoying your day, with more energy and focus than ever before.

February 01, 2010

Basic Principles of Nonverbal Communications – 8

Principle VIII: To control the second conversation, you must focus on your emotional intent rather than conscious awareness.

As I’ve explored in earlier blogs, the paradox of controlling your body language comes when you try to use conscious thought to direct what is largely unconscious behavior. Because the natural flow of communication is intent – gesture – thought – word, you run the risk of looking unnatural when you consciously think about your gestures: thought – gesture – word. The result is that the gestures come to late in the sequence and look stiff and awkward, or fake. It’s what happened to George H. W. Bush during his election campaign when his handlers decided he didn’t look aggressive enough. They coached him to use what looked like karate chop gestures, and as a result he looked silly, because the gestures lacked the fluidity and timing of unconscious ones.

So instead of focusing on the gestures themselves, to look natural as a speaker, focus on the underlying intent or emotion that you’re trying to convey. Of course, for this method to work, you have to have some idea of what your underlying emotion is. Many business speakers run into problems here because they believe – erroneously – that emotions should be kept out of business and speaking about business.

To the contrary, any business speaker with charisma expresses emotions clearly and forcefully.  Think of Steve Jobs with his enthusiasm for the new iPad.  Emotions are literally infectious; we pick them up from the people around us.  So enthusiasm from a speaker (or anger, or joy, or sorrow) spreads rapidly to the audience as long as the emotion is focused and relevant.

Here’s how to make your unconscious gestures work for you in practical terms.  Get clear about what underlying emotions play throughout your speech or presentation.  Then, rehearse your speech thinking about those emotions as they come up.  Try to heighten them, bringing them to the fore by taking short pauses to get grounded in one after the other.

When you’re ready to give the speech, spend a few minutes before you start focusing on the first emotion in the speech.  Are you excited?  Joyful?  Angry?  Whatever the emotion, get it foremost in your mind in the seconds before you begin.

Then go out on stage and give the speech.  You’ll find that the gestures take care of themselves.