Nick Morgan - Public Speaking Advice and Commentary

10 Rules for Creating Successful Power Point Presentations

I’ve blogged many times on how NOT to use Power Point.  Most people use it incorrectly, and it becomes a barrier between speaker and audience.  For example, they create word slides, really speaker notes, with many bullets of text, expecting – what? – the audience to read along with them?  Or, they go nuts with the animation, swoops, and flying headlines that make audiences dizzy to little purpose.  Or they use cheap-looking clip art that creates a tacky image of speaker and organization in the mind of the audience. 

But what about the right way to use Power Point?  What does that look like?  Is there any right way?  Following are 10 rules for using Power Point successfully.

1.  Write your speech, either in outline, bullet, or text form.

2.  Look for all the moments in the speech that could be illustrated using a photograph.

3.  Find high-quality photographs from an online stock house to illustrate these moments (if you don’t have your own photographs).

4.  Look for all the moments in the speech that could be illustrated using a chart or a graph to present numbers (that are hard to understand without a chart or a graph). 

5.  Create these charts and graphs. 

6.  Look for all the moments in the speech that could be emphasized by using one single number to highlight your point. 

7.  Create a slide with that one number in really large type – with no more than 5 words describing it.

8.  Assemble these photographs, charts and graphs, and numbers in a Power Point deck.

9.  Throw out all but the best ones; no more than one for every three minutes of talk – in other words, no more 20 slides in 60 minutes.  Fewer is better.

10.  Create an opening slide with your name, contact information, company logo and so forth, but resist the temptation to create an agenda slide unless you’re speaking for at least a half-day. 

Follow these rules and you’ll be using Power Point in a way that enhances, rather than detracts from or competes with, your presentation.  For a brilliant look at how to style your sides, try Garr Reynolds, Presentation Zen (http://tinyurl.com/3mtu4h).  For how to structure and write a persuasive speech, look at Give Your Speech, Change the World (http://tinyurl.com/mhhdd3).  For how to deliver the presentation with authenticity and charisma, try Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma (http://tinyurl.com/mfs7ve).  Good luck!

How to spot a liar and other topics discussed with Maureen Anderson

For my blog today, a podcast of a radio interview I did with Maureen Anderson of the Career Clinic from the nation's heartland.  We cover a wide range of issues from how to spot a liar to how to control fear in public speaking.  Enjoy!  http://tinyurl.com/lhvvop. 

Bad presentations, good delivery? Or good presentations, bad delivery?

Which is worse, a well-written presentation badly delivered, or a badly written presentation delivered well?  The short answer is that they’re both bad.  But the longer answer is more complicated and worth considering.

A well-written presentation – badly delivered – is hard work for the audience, and an offense against Style.  A badly written presentation – well delivered – is a trick foisted upon the audience, and an offense against Truth.  So on that score, a good delivery of a bad message is worse than its opposite.  That’s because we believe that the bad deliverer could still be – in fact, probably is – authentic, whereas there’s often something deceitful about the glib deliverer of a bad message. 

There’s a further distinction to be made, since the content of a presentation can be bad in two senses:  badly written, but a brilliant idea -- another offense against Style; and badly conceived, a really bad idea, even an evil one. 

History is sprinkled with smooth deliverers of really bad, evil messages – Hitler, McCarthy, and Robert Mugabe, the President of Zimbabwe, come immediately to mind.  We study them with fascination and horror.  They con some portion of a population for a time, and then the allure wears off, and everyone reviles them.   

But what of all the great messages badly delivered?  History forgets them.  They sink into oblivion, if they’re not celebrated on YouTube.  They don’t get the airtime they deserve on the merits, increasingly, in this media-savvy, impatient age.  We are quick to see through slick ad copy, but slower to find the gems hidden in clumsy phrasing, awkward delivery, or poor production.  Our standards are so high, that we’re quick to shout “amateur!” and turn away.   

Unfortunately, what we get most often in the public speaking world is badly written messages, badly delivered – a double offense against Style and Truth.  For your edification and amusement, then, here are examples of these misfiring attempts at public speaking. 

First, a well-written presentation, badly delivered: Gordon Brown on wiring the world: http://tinyurl.com/lupzbs.  Destined to be forgotten immediately after the event. 

Second, a badly-written presentation, delivered well:  Tony Robbins on, well, himself mostly: http://tinyurl.com/6sbmkp.  My guess is that you'll forget this one, too. 

And finally, a badly-written presentation, badly delivered:  Bob Ballard, the deep-sea explorer, rambling on about the ocean (and himself): http://tinyurl.com/m287ge.  You probably won't even make it all the way through....

Enjoy!

The Public Speaking Checklist - 10 points to check before you speak

You’re going to give a speech today.  It’s a high-stress time for most of us.  You don’t want to forget something really important.  Following is a checklist for ensuring that when you get up to speak you’re ready – really ready – to go.

1.  Check your computer – is the speech loaded and ready to go?  If your speech is on paper, make sure you have the paper.  With the pages numbered! 

2.  Check your backups – do you have a couple of other ways to give the speech if something goes wrong with the primary method? 

3.  Check your outfit – are your clothes clean, pressed and ready to go?  Do they contrast appropriately with the background you’re speaking in front of?  Do you feel good in them?  Do you have backup clothes ready to go in case someone pours ketchup on your shirt or blouse? 

4.  Check the hall – have you rehearsed in the space?  Do you know what the sound, the lighting, the stage, and the audience perspectives all are?  If you’re traveling there on the day, do you know where it is?  Have you allowed enough time to get there – at least 2 hours in advance?  More if you’re flying there on the day (not recommended)? 

5.  Check the technology – have you tested everything you’re using to make sure it actually works in the space – Power Point, computer connections, video, audio, etc? 

6.  Check with your introducer – have you met the person who is introducing you?  Does that person have an introduction (that you’re provided) ready to go?  Have you talked over the choreography of the introduction and how you’re getting on stage or to the front of the room?  Do you know the schedule of the day – who’s on before and after you? 

7.  Check with your audience – have you done your homework about who they are?  Have you met them?  If you’re not able to meet them, have you talked about them in some detail with the conference organizer? 

8.  Check yourself – have you had enough sleep?  Have you rehearsed the speech?  Have had a little exercise (but not too much) to manage your adrenaline?  Have you eaten/drank enough to keep upright but not comatose?  Are you focused? 

9.  Check your meds – Especially if you’re on the road, do you have aspirin/sinus medication (non-drowsy), any other medicine that you need to get through the day? 

10.  Check your breathing – how nervous are you?  Do you need to do some calming exercises?  Some deep breathing?  Are you focused on an authentic, positive emotion connected with the speech?  How can you get into that mind set if you’re not there? 

The only reason to give a speech is to change the world.  Don't let some detail get in the way of changing the world.  Check the list.  Be ready.  And good luck!

How public speaking can change the world -- and why you should care

For my blog today I’m remembering why public speaking is important, and why it’s so important to get it right:  because it can change the world.  Jacqueline Novogratz and The Acumen Fund are doing just that, and it’s an amazing, moving story:  http://tinyurl.com/knqow8

Debunking the Debunkers -- the Mehrabian Myth Explained (Correctly)

OK, I’m steaming.  The white smoke of expertise is pouring out of my ears.  What is it about Albert Mehrabian’s famous study on the ‘silent messages’ we get from non-verbal communications that people get so wrong all the time?  It’s constantly taken by ‘communications professionals’ to mean that ’93 % of what we communicate is non-verbal – so it doesn’t matter what you say, it’s how you look – or how you say it’ or something equally absurd.

Now, there’s a new wrinkle:  http://tinyurl.com/klgd6t.  A very nice communications company has misinterpreted the Mehrabian study in a new way!  Aaaaaargh! 

To be sure, the good folks from Creativity Works start out well in this 3-minute video.  They begin by taking all those communications professionals to task, and rightly so.  Mehrabian never said that 93 % of what we say is non-verbal, so words don’t matter (much).  So far so good.

But then they get carried away putting words back on top of the communications heap.  The narrator announces, ‘It’s just not true that delivery can make or break a presentation.’  If you get the words right, Creativity Works argues, the delivery doesn’t matter. 

I’m afraid this is simply not true.  It misrepresents Mehrabian in a new way, and it’s simply, obviously, and demonstrably wrong.  How many times have you watched a presentation where something non-verbal got in the way of the words?  Perhaps the speaker paced aimlessly but doggedly around the stage until you wanted to scream ‘stop!’?  Perhaps the speaker spoke in endless questions, never making a declarative statement in 60 minutes?  Perhaps the speaker simply droned on in an irritating, nasal voice, never making eye contact with the audience until you spaced out, went away on the wings of thought, and never, ever came back? 

We’ve all had experiences like this, countless times.  Of course, delivery can make or break a presentation.  It happens all the time.  And you know it to be true.

OK, let’s get this done.  Here’s what the Mehrabian study did – and didn’t do.  I’ve actually read the original study – something Creativity Works apparently failed to do.  (I suspect the company only checked out the Mehrabian web site, something CW refers to in the video.)  Mehrabian had an experimenter read words to an audience of college students, single words like ‘love’, in different tones and with different expressions.   Then, he asked the audience how it knew what the speaker really meant.  Where did the audience get the clues for the real intent behind the words?  He wasn’t asking about the words at all, but rather the speaker’s intent.  When asked that, the audience responded that it decoded the intent behind the speaker’s words from visual clues 55 % of the time, and from tone of voice 38 % of the time.  Only 7 % of the time did the audience go to the actual words. 

What was the point of all this?  Mehrabian’s work was all about what he called the ‘silent messages’ – how people communicate implicitly their emotions and attitudes.  His big insight – wait for it – was that when words and non-verbal messages were in conflict, people believe the non-verbal every time.  As the CW people show themselves, for example, through a clever cartoon, when a spouse asks, “Are you still angry with me?” and the injured party responds “No,” with folded arms and an angry tone, only an idiot doesn’t realize that in this case ‘no’ means ‘yes’. 

That’s it.  That’s the Mehrabian message:  we get most of our clues of the emotional intent behind people’s words from non-verbal sources.  And when the two are in conflict, we believe the non-verbal every time.  That’s what Mehrabian said, some 40 years ago, and it still is true and powerful today. 

Malcolm Gladwell -- great storyteller, weak speaker

Malcolm Gladwell is a wonderful storyteller – and an indifferent speaker.  You can see the result in his video on TED.com: http://tinyurl.com/axtvyy. 

The video tells a great story about one Howard Moskowitz, an expert in food research.  Gladwell hooks us with the claim that Howard has done as much or more than anyone in America to contribute to the general happiness by giving us the perfect spaghetti sauce.  It’s a funny, fascinating look into food and food company thinking. 

Indeed, as the tale unfolds, we learn that it is not in fact a perfect spaghetti sauce but rather sauces – and therein lies an insight.  Chefs, cooks, and food industry executives have all been assuming lo these many years that there was one perfect sauce – just as there was apparently one perfect cake, one perfect balsamic vinegar, one perfect Merlot – but you get the idea. 

Moskowitz’s insight was that people have preferences – some of us like cheesy sauces, some of us like spicy sauces, and some of us like chunky sauces.  Same for coffee – we divide up into 3 or 4 groups of coffee preferences.  And so on.  If the food company can figure out what the groups are, and create products for each group, that company stands to make a fortune.  It happened with spaghetti sauce.  It’s why, when you visit the sauce aisle in your local grocery store, there are hundreds of choices.   

This is great stuff, and Gladwell turns it into a lovely homily on diversity at the end.  He can indeed spin a tale well.

It’s too bad he’s not a better speaker.  He wanders the stage inconclusively.  His introversion shows through in abrupt, awkward, self-protective hand gestures and spotty eye contact.  He doesn’t know how to land a point effectively.  His voice is flat and unmusical.  All of this means that by about half-way through his talk our attentions begin to flag a little, because he isn’t connecting with the audience.

He’s not open, and fails to connect.  His passion doesn’t shine through.  And he doesn’t listen to his audience very persuasively.  All in all, a lackluster performance.  And that’s too bad, because his storytelling skills are so formidable.  He could be a great speaker indeed. 

The 5 Best Ways to Screw up a Presentation

There are an infinite number of ways to screw up a presentation, but I see some over and over again. Here are my 5 favorites.

1. Argue with your slides

Speakers frequently get into an argument with their slides. “You can’t read this, but…” “This slide doesn’t show…”  "This isn't the current data, but..."  It’s a great way to confuse and depress an audience, like watching a slow-motion train wreck.

2. Tell your audience everything you know

Speakers can get carried away with their enthusiasm for the subject. If a few words on esophageal stress as a contributing factor to banana fish decline is good, then many words must be better, right? Wrong! Cut to the content chase. We don’t know as much as you, and we don’t want to. Life’s too short.

3. Apologize for everything

Speakers are forever apologizing for the technology that doesn’t work, the speech they’re not giving, the home run they’re not going to hit. Don’t apologize. Just do your best! We want you to succeed. Or we did until you started apologizing for being alive.

4. Turn the lights down and speak in a passionless monotone

Speeches are often like sensory deprivation exercises. Are your slides dim and the screen far away? Turn the lights down! That will put us to sleep, even before you start speaking in that adorable monotone. You wouldn't want to show any emotion -- that might wake us up, right?

5. Tell ‘em what you’re going to say, say it, and tell ‘em what you said.

During World War II, officers were instructed to repeat everything 3 times to increase the likelihood that the soldiers would remember their orders. All the officers that survived the war came back and went to work in industry. They made their presentations there the same way they’d learned in the war. It wasn’t interesting, but people were more likely to remember; that is, until they fell asleep……

The secret of connecting with an audience: closeness

How do you connect strongly with an audience?  In a way most speakers don’t think about, don’t understand, and so, not surprisingly, don’t often take advantage of:  physical closeness. 

We all unconsciously measure the distance between ourselves and everyone else for obvious reasons of self-protection first and interest second. Twelve feet or more is public space, the coolest connection between people.  Between twelve feet and four feet is social space, a little warmer than public space but still cool. Four feet to a foot and a half is personal space, where things begin to get interesting for us. A foot and a half to zero is intimate space, and we let only people we trust highly or are very fond of in this space.

These spaces vary a bit from culture to culture; Mediterranean and Asian cultures tend to shrink the distances, and Western cultures extend them. But all of us have the four zones.

Try them out yourself. Walk down the street in a small town, and note when you make eye contact with approaching strangers and when they make eye contact with you. You will find that it is always close to twelve feet. I assume this is because at that distance, we can still do something about a danger that presents itself; any closer and we might not have time to react.  Similarly, parents will typically let small children roam about 12 feet from them before reeling them back in. 

Now move into the personal zone with someone. You’ll see that you keep your eyes, at minimum, on each other, and usually you’ll change your entire physical orientation when someone moves into your personal space. Interest and energy increase. Your heart rate increases slightly. It’s personal, and you’re connected.

If you move into someone’s intimate space, a new level of tension arises, unless of course you are already intimate with that person — a spouse, a very close friend, a parent, or a child.  If you’re not intimate, the closeness will feel uncomfortable for both of you, and typically one or the other of the two people will try to draw back into safer personal space.

So how do you use these zones to increase the connectedness with the person or persons you’re trying to communicate with? Everything significant in communication between people happens in personal space (or intimate) space.  As a speaker, then, you’ve got to get into the personal space of representative members of the audience in order to connect with the whole audience.  Staying behind a podium – even working the stage – won’t cut it. 

You have to choreograph your presentation so that you use personal space to make your important points.  Anything less will not engage the audience. 

Palin and Sotomayor - Lessons in Presenting

I’m struck by the very different recent public appearances of Sarah Palin and Judge Sonia Sotomayor, because they illustrate – in two extreme ways – the importance of openness – and clarity of intent – in public speaking.  You can see samples of their respective video records here:  (Sotomayor) http://tinyurl.com/ksfrov and here:  (Palin) http://tinyurl.com/kjnxlb. 

Leaving aside political opinions for a minute, both women are effective public speakers who have drawn both praise and opprobrium from opposite sides of the political spectrum.  They are both able to communicate effectively with their supporters and people on their side of the divide. 

That’s in part because they meet the first test of a public speaker:  being open.  I say a good deal more about this in my book, Trust Me:  Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma, but here I’ll just encourage you to watch their faces.  Both are great nodders, both smile readily, using their eyes and eyebrows to signal openness to their audiences.  Openness is largely established with non-verbal facial (and hand) gestures, and both women accomplish this task well. 

It’s in clarity of intent that the two differ.  Judge Sotomayor makes her intent perfectly clear – to both her supporters and opponents.  She intends to be confirmed.  She will answer every question as thoroughly as she can according to the bizarre rules established over the years for (successful) Supreme Court nominees – without actually giving anything away.  She will radiate judicial calm and restraint.  As a result, she reinforces her bond with her supporters and gives her opponents very little to attack her with.  She may even win some Republicans over to her side. 

Governor Palin, in her resignation speech at a hastily called press conference on the Friday of the Fourth of July weekend, was completely opaque about her intent.  As a result, she further alienated her opponents and lost a good many of her supporters.  If you’re going to quit a job to which you’ve been elected, like a governorship, you have to have a really good – and clear – reason.  Palin’s assortment of suggested causes for stepping down were unconvincing and contradictory.  Without clarity of intent, we don’t understand her motives, and when we don’t understand someone’s motives, we can’t sympathize with them. 

Openness and clarity of intent need to go together for effective speechmaking. 

10 Steps You Can Take Right Now to Improve Your Presentations

1.  Lose the Power Point – when you put up Power Point slides you ask the audience to look at 2 – or 3 – things at once: you, your slides, perhaps a printout of your slides. That’s distracting.

2.  Smile – we all look more attractive when we smile, and studies show we pay more attention to attractive people. So smile – unless you’ve got really bad news to deliver.

3.   Talk from the audience’s point of view – a common mistake presenters make is to explain an idea the way they learned it.  But your history is not inherently interesting to an audience.  Instead, start with the audience’s problem – that’s what they’re interested in.

4.  Pause before you start to speak – Wait 3 seconds, making eye contact with the audience, before you start speaking.  It lets the audience know it’s time to pay attention, it builds anticipation, and it increases your charisma. 

5.  Lose the ‘happy feet’ – so many speakers wander around the stage because they’re filled with adrenaline.  Plant your feet and make your point.  Only move (toward the audience) when you’re ready to make another point.  

6.  Breathe!  -- Adrenaline causes us to take shallow breaths.  Breathe instead from your belly – a few deep breaths – without moving your shoulders.  This will calm and ground you. 

7.  Don’t orate – talk to us – Audiences expect to have a conversation with and from speakers.  Stick to a clear outline, so you don’t wander, but don’t read either from a script, or from Power Point slides.  It’s too boring for this ADD age. 

8.  Get emotional – What makes a presentation interesting?  Emotion.  We want to see you get passionate about something.  That’s how we take your measure and learn to trust you (or not).  And don’t tell me there’s nothing passionate in your speech.  If that’s true, you shouldn’t be talking.  Go find something to be passionate about and then talk to us.

9.  Focus on the audience – once you realize that it’s not about you, it’s about the audience, you’ll get over most of your nerves and have a good time.  So know your material well enough that you can truly focus on the audience when you’re speaking.  Check them out to see how they’re doing and be ready to shift gears if it’s not working.

10.  Make it interactive – Audiences get more engaged when they’re allowed to do something. So don’t just talk at us the whole time.  Figure out a way to make your presentation interactive. 

Smart Planet Interview: Comedy, Fear, and Speaking Today

For my blog today I'm linking to an interview I gave to Smart Planet, and Vince Thompson.  We talk about tips for overcoming speaking anxiety, the current state of public speaking today, and how to use comedy in your presentations.  Vince is an Internet entrepreneur, idea man, and author -- and an all-around good guy.  His book is:  Ignited! and you can see it here:  http://tinyurl.com/krkequ. 

The interview is here; enjoy!  http://tinyurl.com/negvab

Podcast: Talking with Harry Allen of WBAI, New York

For my blog today, I'm going to provide something for the ears rather than the eyes.  Have a listen to the live radio interview i did with Harry Allen on Friday (July 10) in New York.  He was a great interviewer -- knowledgeable and prepared.  Fun stuff:  http://tinyurl.com/kwueav. 

The power of aligned -- vs unaligned -- communications

Every communication is two conversations, one verbal and the other nonverbal. When the two conversations are aligned, a communication can be persuasive, powerful, and consistent. When they’re not aligned, people believe the nonverbal conversation every time. 

If that seems hard to believe, a simple example will convince you.  Imagine a speaker walking to the front of the room.  You can tell that he has no energy. His shoulders are a little bowed, perhaps, and he’s not moving very fast. His head may be pointing down. When he gets to the front, he turns to the audience. He doesn’t make eye contact but rather looks over everyone’s head. He folds his arms defensively over his chest and then moves back a couple of paces. Finally, he says, “I’m really glad to be here today.”

What do you do now?

If you’re honest, you’re reaching for your BlackBerry or your day planner. You may even be looking for an exit. You’re thinking, Oh, dear. This is not going to be good.

That’s the power of unaligned communications.  Aligning the verbal and the nonverbal gets you the audience’s attention and an open mind, at least for a few minutes.

After that, it’s up to you.

Is your non-verbal 'conversation' helping or hurting your career?

How are you showing up?  Is your non-verbal 'conversation' helping or hurting your career?  My partner and I worked with an executive of a major financial institution who had fought his way up from the streets to a top position. When we were brought in to work with him, he had been promoted to a board–level role, and that required that he act in a statesmanlike manner, and as a mentor to others.

He had no idea how to behave in this way. All of his experience had taught him that he had to fight to keep his position and that colleagues were competition. So when he went into a meeting with the board, he behaved the way he always had.

He was close to being fired.

Why?  We quickly discovered what it was that so turned off the board when we had him role-play his executive meetings. He would go into an ever-so-slight defensive crouch, tensing himself, lowering his brows in a suspicious stare that had successfully intimidated many rivals in his earlier days.

He was completely unaware of this closed behavior.  The 360-degree review he had received just after taking the new position had shocked him. He had no idea that people saw him as a nasty guy.

But now he realized that he had to learn a different way to relate to his colleagues. The board had no wish to spar continuously with a defensive, hostile executive; they wanted a colleague.

He had to change.

When we showed him the videotape of his role-play, the moment was transformational. He had had no idea that his body language was signaling defensiveness. His reaction was, “Oh, my god, I look like a punk!”  He knew that he couldn’t look like a punk and continue as a C–suite executive.

That ten-minute video review probably saved his career. 

It gave him the motivation to change, and he slowly but surely learned to open up and become more of a colleague. He adopted a new posture and began to sit up straighter. Gradually he was able to open up his hands and arms. All of this took time and conscious effort before the new behavior became as comfortable and automatic as the old.  But eventually he began to be perceived as the executive and colleague he wanted to be. 

How are you showing up?  Check your non-verbal communication before it undercuts your best conscious efforts to succeed. 

Penn and Teller and the Happy Feet problem

I have a secret fondness for magic acts – the professional ones.  Acts like Penn and Teller.  So I was thrilled a while back when I was in Vegas for a convention and had an evening to catch their act. 

Penn and Teller are two accomplished showmen:  Penn is the talkative one, and Teller is largely silent. Penn keeps up a running commentary designed to distract and bemuse the audience while they both perform the magic tricks.

I was astonished to see that, at this performance, the talkative one, Penn, had a bad case of “happy feet.”  He had so much energy that he was wandering all over the stage randomly while chattering away. The random movement of his feet was his method for discharging that adrenaline-induced energy we all experience in performance, whether magicians or actors or speakers.

The result was so distracting, though, that I found myself unable to attend to his patter or even the magic tricks with any reliability. Nonetheless, he managed to hold his audience reasonably well until an unpleasant trick that involved apparently putting a live rabbit through a wood chipper. He lost his audience then and never got it back, making it clear that the bond was weak throughout, partly because his motion was random and not purposeful, toward the audience and away from it.

How do you avoid the Penn problem?  Two ways.  First, get control over your motion, and make it purposeful – toward your audience and away from it when appropriate.  Those are the only motions the audience will be interested in.  Moving toward an audience builds trust.  Use it. 

Second, become conscious of your adrenaline and treat it as energy to be used rather than a problem.  Let it come out in your voice, in your gestures – in your charisma. 

‘Happy Feet’ detracts from the performance of many a public speaker.  Don’t let it be your problem.  

Can you 'thin-slice' listening? Malcolm Gladwell and the Kouroi myth

One of the most pernicious concepts widely circulated about listening is in the otherwise admirable book Blink. Malcolm Gladwell introduces the idea of what he calls ‘thin-slicing’ as a way of talking about how a very small sample can stand for a whole host of evidence under specific circumstances and conditions. Unfortunately, he equates the thin-slicing idea with the expert’s ability to instantly size up, for example, an ancient statue as real or fake because of a myriad clues unconsciously weighed, evaluated, and sorted.

Here is what Gladwell wrote:

In September of 1983, an art dealer by the name of Gianfranco Becchina approached the J. Paul Getty Museum in California. He had in his possession, he said, a marble statue dating from the sixth century b.c. It was what is known as a kouros — a sculpture of a nude male youth standing with his left leg forward and his arms at his side. There are only about two hundred kouroi in existence, and most have been recovered badly damaged . . . . But this one was almost perfectly preserved . . . . It was an extraordinary find. Becchina’s asking price was just under $10 million.  The Getty moved cautiously. It . . . began a thorough investigation. . . .A geologist from the University of California. . .spent two days examining the surface of the statue with a high-resolution stereomicroscope . . . . [He]concluded . . . the statue was old. It wasn’t some contemporary fake . . . .The kouros, however, had a problem. It didn’t look right. The first to point this out was an Italian art historian named Federico Zeri . . . . He found himself staring at the sculpture’s fingernails. In a way he couldn’t immediately articulate, they seemed wrong to him. Other experts weighed in, and the statue was finally judged a fake. The Getty was embarrassed, and the art world has a great story to tell.

What does this have to do with listening? The idea has lodged in the public mind that somehow we can all be expert thin-slicers based on a quick look, a brief listen, a glancing moment of attention. But Gladwell has confused our ability to make snap (because unconscious) nonverbal judgments about the intent of people and the danger quotient of situations we’re thrown in with an expert’s ability, when her learning is profound, to size up something quickly. The result has been that too many people now say, “Just let me thin-slice this.”

The only thing we’re doing there is getting a quick read on our impression of the other person’s intent. We are pretty good at it, but we can certainly be wrong, and it is most emphatically not the same as expertise in a field like art history.  They’re two completely different activities.

The former is almost entirely unconscious and instant, whereas the latter is primarily conscious but drawing on an unconscious sifting of the physical evidence brought to the conscious mind.  And it often is a slow process, where something niggles at the back of the mind for days before the expert is able to become fully aware of what is going on. That is what in fact happens to several of the experts in Gladwell’s fake masterpiece story.  They take weeks to figure out why the statue doesn’t seem real to them or to piece together their analysis, impressions, and unconscious deciphering.

My point is this: we can’t listen to other people by thin-slicing them. Listening takes time. When it is done right, it is primarily an emotional activity and only secondarily intellectual.

Emotions take time to express, be heard, be validated, and so on.  To listen well and deeply to another person, you must quiet your own two conversations, and let your verbal and your nonverbal channels attend to what’s being said to you. Listen with your whole body.

Making a film? Appearing on camera? Check out these tips

For my blog today, I'm linking to an interview I did this week with Thomas Clifford, filmmaker and Fast Company expert blogger on how to use the principles I talk about in creating and appearing in film and video:  http://tinyurl.com/mehdhr

Enjoy!

20 body language myths debunked

Thanks to Suzanne Smith, who sent a very interesting list of 20 “defensive” and “positive and powerful” body language tips.  I can’t resist commenting on them, because they are such an admixture of good and bad advice.  The original posting is here:  http://tinyurl.com/nb4osk.  I’ll list each “tip” and then comment after in boldface. 

"Defensive Body Language Tips"

1. Invade someone’s personal space. This is a sign of dominance. 
•    Potentially dangerous advice.  Never invade unless you’re willing to back up your bluff with thorough follow-through.  In other words, be prepared to fight.  And why are you picking a fight, anyway? 
2. Unblinking eye contact can be intimidating. Essentially you are staring someone down until they look away.
•    Yes, too much eye contact can be intimidating.  It can also seem downright weird.  Why are you staring?  Again, if you’re going to pick a fight, you have to be prepared to duke it out.
3. Standing up straight and tall. In nature, animals make themselves appear larger to avoid conflict and establish dominance with predators or competition. The same technique works in the human world.
•    This is good advice – standing straight means that you are assertive without being aggressive or hostile. 
4. Speak first. Speaking first gives you the upper hand immediately.
•    Only if you have something to say.
5. Touch the person first. Extend your hand to shake hands, touch a person’s elbow, cover their hand while you shake hands. Being the first person to touch another opens up conversation while maintaining control.
•    This only has a minor effect on the flow of a conversation.  And too much familiarity too soon can be off-putting.
6. Turn your body at an angle to squeeze an uninvited guest out. The third wheel will get the idea.
•    This is junior-high-school stuff – effective, but obvious, cheap and potentially nasty -- and rude. 

"Positive and Powerful Body Language Tips"

7. Maintain a steady even tone. Appear calm, cool and collected by not raising your voice or speaking too quickly.
•    This works, just as your mother (or your psychologist) told you, to keep things calm.  I thought we were trying to take charge.  The aim appears to have changed. 
8. Speak heart to heart, or straight forward, to show interest in the conversation.
•    Yes, other things being equal.  Listening is a more powerful way to show interest. 
9. Steer your listener in the direction you wish to go while talking.
•    This will only have a minor effect on the flow of the conversation.
10. If you are sitting, keep your feet flat on the floor. Uncross your legs and sit straight up. You’ll appear more confident and interested.
•    Trivial
11. Gradually nod in agreement while you are listening to another person speak. Don’t jerk your head around with impatience.
•    Nodding builds agreement. 
12. Keep your arms open. Crossing your arms is a defensive motion. Keeping your limbs open and relaxed makes you seem comfortable with the situation.
•    True, but if you’re feeling defensive, you’ll signal it in many other ways besides this obvious giveaway. 
13. Don’t touch your face or cover your mouth with your hands. This movement can make you appear as if you are lying or trying to cover up something.
•    Depends on the context.  Not a reliable indicator of lying. 
14. Lean in slightly while another person is talking.
•    Generally, closing the distance between you and someone else indicates interest and builds trust. 
15. Use your hands confidently during a conversation.
•    Too vague to be useful. 
16. Don’t fidget while speaking. Fidgeting shows nervousness.
•    Fidgeting can also show impatience, or ADD behavior. 
17. Be aware of your facial expressions while you are talking and listening. Remember to smile when you greet and leave someone.
•    Smiling is always good, except when the situation demands a frown. 
18. Don’t reveal too much information. It can get awkward very quickly.
•    I have no idea what this means.  Are we talking about body language or something else?  The CIA or the PTA?
19. Don’t steal someone else’s thunder when they are telling a story. Allow them to finish and relate if you can.
•    That’s basic politeness. 
20. Relax your shoulders to avoid appearing uptight or nervous.
•    Again, in isolation this won’t help much if you’re nervous. 

As I explain in my book, Trust Me: Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma, this kind of blow-by-blow approach to body language misses the point.  Body language is behavior and has to be interpreted in a context of a situation, a person, and a content.  In terms of decoding someone else’s behavior, you can’t look at isolated bits of body language.  There are simply too many reasons for human behavior.  It’s a fool’s game. 

In controlling your own behavior, to appear more confident, or open, or in charge, again, it is a fool’s game to try to manage a specific bit of body language.  Instead, work on your intent.  Then your body language will take care of itself.